It’s no secret that the body goes through massive changes with pregnancy and birth, and yet nothing quite prepares you for the specific changes in your own body. 

I’ve had a generally positive relationship with exercise, but after half a decade spent either pregnant or postpartum and breastfeeding, I felt like I was starting from scratch. 

After trying for many months to stick to a regular exercise regimen, I realized I could use some extra support. I was a different creature post-kids, my body and my mind had changed — what worked for me in the past needed to be overhauled and redesigned for who I am today.  

“My body and my mind had changed — what worked for me in the past needed to be overhauled and redesigned for who I am today.”

So while my husband and my kids were home from school for the summer, we put our childcare budget toward hiring a personal trainer. I was determined to spend the next three months getting reacquainted with my body, learning its needs and building ways to support them. 

I’d also find that this was a process about rebuilding more than just muscle. I’d learn to rebuild the trust in my body I didn’t even realize was broken. 

Starting again

Many of us have had experiences where we felt like our bodies have betrayed us, and the shock of being so ill during pregnancy had eroded my bodily trust. 

“The shock of being so ill during pregnancy had eroded my bodily trust.”

During both pregnancies, I had Hyperemesis Gravidarum, a severe pregnancy complication that limited my ability to stay active. I’d endured a 26-hour labor with my daughter, and a precipitous, unmedicated birth with my son. After delivery, I’d experienced pelvic pain due to muscle fatigue that would only subside when I’d been consistently strength training, along with some abdominal separation that was making it difficult to rebuild my core strength. I’ll also note that I took almost no time at all to process any of it.

This was what was happening beneath the surface when I started working with my personal trainer. We’d been acquaintances online for years, and I had always appreciated how she spoke about exercise. Her approach was embodied, nuanced, and intuitive. Even before booking a session, I felt safe and seen.

All summer, I showed up every Tuesday and Thursday at 7:30 a.m. Where I once felt confident and strong, I now felt feeble and afraid, like a brand new baby deer learning to walk again. 

“Where I once felt confident and strong, I now felt feeble and afraid, like a brand new baby deer learning to walk again.”

In the beginning, we focused on reestablishing my core strength. It took all my might to keep my core connected, keeping a close eye on my abdominal separation to make sure I wasn’t coning. These exercises alone left me deeply exhausted, but in a way where I knew I was doing the deep, necessary, foundational work.

One of the reasons I felt it was necessary to work 1-1 with a trainer was because I didn’t know where my limits were anymore, so I was afraid to push myself, because I was afraid of getting hurt. But working with a professional allowed me to put all of my energy into showing up and let go of the rest. She knew the building blocks that would beget real progress, how to avoid injury, and how to guide me along the way.

Choosing the right trainer matters

Choosing a trainer can seem as straightforward as finding an expert with the right credentials and then just following their instructions. But at this stage in my life, I needed to find someone who could be more than a drill sergeant — I needed a guide, someone I could trust to be aligned with my goals, giving me a flexible, sustainable blueprint that could last well beyond our sessions. 

“I needed to find someone who could be more than a drill sergeant — I needed a guide, someone I could trust to be aligned with my goals.”

During my intake interview, my trainer made it clear that she’d be approaching our time together holistically. She also noted that strength training is a way many of us re-learn to trust our own bodies. She took the time to get to know my lifestyle, my limitations, my goals, and my fears. She prioritized capacity, nutrition, and my personal history with body trauma informed so much of our time together. She tracked my cycle so we could sync my workouts with each phase. 

Over the years, I’ve learned that I respond best to gentle and responsive direction. You will not find me working with a trainer who uses tough love as motivation. It’s just not my style, and it’s the fastest way to get me to shut down. And while there were many ways Tessa accommodated my specific needs physically, she also tended to my mental and emotional states — understanding the mental load of motherhood, the complexity of a family schedule, and giving me specific comfort and direction when I was afraid to push myself physically. All of this led to the most critical part of my success — I trusted her.

“While there were many ways Tessa accommodated my specific needs physically, she also tended to my mental and emotional states.”

I asked her what she would want others to know who want to hire a personal trainer. “What makes a great trainer isn’t how in shape they are or how new and exciting their training style is or that they take you through the hardest workout,” she said. “What makes a great trainer is that they take themselves out of the equation, take full interest in how your mind and body work and how to bring you to your goal in a way that feels challenging but still doable for you.” – Tessa Benz, Train With Tessa

Personal trainers, like any mentor, have the capacity to create lasting change in our lives. Which is why it’s essential to find someone committed to their client first and foremost, who will adjust their methods to motivate and educate each person as an individual. Finding someone I trusted helped me unlock true and lasting change.

Recovery is queen

It turns out one of the most essential components of successful training isn’t endless gains, but planning for and protecting rest and recovery time. Exertion is where our muscles are being broken down microscopically, but recovery is where our muscles actually repair into stronger tissues.

“Exertion is where our muscles are being broken down microscopically, but recovery is where our muscles actually repair into stronger tissues.”

This time around I focused as much on recovery as I did on showing up to put in the work. This looked like walking as much as possible on my off days, not skipping my electrolytes or vitamins, and keeping Epsom salt on hand for a twenty-minute soak. It also looked like getting enough sleep, and going easy on myself if my rest had been interrupted by a tiny person crawling into our bed the night before. In between sessions, I would focus on repair by consuming enough protein, fiber, and carbs, and prioritizing gentle movement, salt baths, hydration, and sleep.

There really is nothing quite like the satisfaction of rigorous workout, a hearty meal, and melting completely into the sheets after a hot shower or Epsom salt soak. Putting more energy into recovery, and understanding that growth happens primarily during the repair stage, is rewiring the way I think about productivity altogether.

I’m capable of more than I thought

Progress was quieter than I thought it would be. I didn’t see massive muscle definition or huge gains, but I did feel stronger. I had more energy. At one point on vacation, I went on a jog with my family, and I outran all of them without feeling winded (I was the most shocked out of all of us). And after three months of showing up every week, I understood the value of consistency in a way I hadn’t before.

“After three months of showing up every week, I understood the value of consistency in a way I hadn’t before.”

Another unexpected benefit of hiring a personal trainer? Not only did I have accountability, but I had community. I wasn’t doing it alone, and I realized how lonely I’d been in my strength training. I wanted to get stronger, but I was tired of doing it alone.

During one of our sessions, I felt a lump rise in my throat, unexpected tears springing to the surface. I asked my trainer if people ever cried in her sessions. She told me yes, all the time. 

I suddenly realized just how much I’d been holding in. Even while lifting heavy weights, I would keep being quiet top of mind. It is normal to exhale loudly, grunt, or shout during physical exertion, but I realized just how much more energy I was exerting by trying to keep these utterances in. 

“I suddenly realized just how much I’d been holding in. Even while lifting heavy weights, I would keep being quiet top of mind.”

Later that night, I went back and re-watched my birth video. Even during unmedicated labor, I remained quiet. While giving birth, I barely made a sound. 

Strengthening my body has asked me to unearth why I feel it is necessary to remain composed at all costs and has allowed me to reflect on the ways I needed to close my eyes and hold on in order to survive some of the hard parts of pregnancy, childbirth, and the universal complexities of navigating adulthood.

I realized just as I’d been afraid to push myself physically for fear of getting hurt, I was afraid to break my composure for fear of the flood of emotions that would come with it. But just like how muscles have to be fatigued with microtears, giving in is a necessary part of the growth process. Only then can we move on to the recovery process, which is the part of the process where we build strength.

Final thoughts

Now that school is back in session, our budget has changed — and while it isn’t feasible for me to continue training in a 1-1 capacity, the three months I spent doing so has helped me establish a foundation I will continue building on. My trainer was able to give me specific, targeted recommendations after getting to know me for three months.

Investing in 1-1 training wasn’t just about working out. It was about keeping a promise to myself, having the built-in infrastructure to be able to just show up and remove the remainder of the mental load. I gained much more than reps — confidence, repair, and reprocessing the shock of pregnancy and childbirth.

“I gained much more than reps — confidence, repair, and reprocessing the shock of pregnancy and childbirth.”

Most of all, it became a love letter to myself. I realized I’d spent much more time during the last few years berating myself for being weak than thanking my body for all that she’d carried me through. This is a message to her saying, “You are worth the money, worth the time, worth the effort. I love you enough to make sure you feel well.”

Kate Arceo is a writer based in Southern California and the Community Manager at The Good Trade. She has a Bachelor’s degree in Communication Studies and has been reviewing sustainable home and lifestyle brands, as well as organic kids’ apparel and nontoxic cosmetics for the last ten years. In her free time you can find her hosting dinners on the back patio, reading a novel on the sofa, or sipping a latte at the local café. Say hello on Substack and Instagram!