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I want to start this article by saying we’re going to be talking about breasts — a lot — so buckle up.
Our relationship with our breasts is a unique one. I’ll never forget the sheer obsession I had with my growing “buds” in my early teens, or finally going to Walmart with my mom to buy my first bra. The pride and excitement were unmatched. My growing breasts symbolized becoming a woman.
“The pride and excitement were unmatched. My growing breasts symbolized becoming a woman.”
But what did becoming a woman mean to me at the time? Honestly, it meant being sexy. My breasts felt like a symbol of becoming a sexy woman. Even in my preteen brain, I understood that society loved breasts, and I desperately wanted to be part of the breast club. And finally, I was.
I loved my breasts. I loved wearing bras, and I loved the way they made my body look. I considered myself to have medium-sized breasts — full enough that wearing a bra every day felt necessary. That loving relationship continued throughout my 20s, and for years, my breasts didn’t change much.
Then, I got pregnant with my first baby when I turned 30. Little did I know, an entirely new relationship with my breasts was about to begin.
Throughout pregnancy, my breasts grew, but somewhere along the way, that feeling of them being “sexy” evaporated. They were beginning to serve an entirely different purpose.
After my baby was born and my milk came in, I remember being amazed by their large, engorged state. My breasts, which for so much of my life had been connected to sexuality and the way I looked, were suddenly doing something extraordinary: They were feeding my baby.
Eventually, I finished breastfeeding, and my breasts changed again. They were smaller and less full, and I felt almost no connection between them and the sexiness I had once associated with them. A few years later, I began the journey all over again with my second baby.
Now, as I approach the end of breastfeeding for the second time, my breasts have changed even more. I feel deeply proud of what they have done and the two babies they have nourished, and yet, if I’m being truthful, I also grieve the way they once looked. I know they may never look that way again, and I’m realizing that perhaps loving them again isn’t about trying to get back to the relationship I once had with them. Maybe it’s about learning to love them in an entirely new way.
“I feel deeply proud of what they have done and the two babies they have nourished, and yet, if I’m being truthful, I also grieve the way they once looked.”
My breasts are no longer “sexy” to me. They are a part of my body that nourished my children — a part of my body that, in some ways, doesn’t entirely feel like mine anymore. As I arrive at the end of my breastfeeding journey, I’m ready to reclaim the love I once had for this sacred part of my body. I want to love them in a new way and honor them in ways I maybe never have before.
My goal is to look at them with admiration for all the work they have done. I want to release the self-criticism and shame I feel around their new shape and instead remind myself they are mine to love. To be a mother is to constantly return to autonomy, both mentally and physically. It is a journey, and one that may last the rest of my life.
Below are some of the ways I’m reconnecting with my breasts in my post-breastfeeding era.
1. Breast self-massage
I brought this practice into my routine after I finished breastfeeding my first baby. Massage is an extremely powerful way to physically reconnect to your breasts. The first time I did it, I cried a lot. What this practice did for me was bring me into a present state of honoring my breasts and giving them love in return for all the nourishment they have given my children.
“Massage is an extremely powerful way to physically reconnect to your breasts.”
Not only does this practice help to reconnect, but it’s also powerful for general breast health and leaves you feeling more energized and present. It can be a daily 10-minute practice or whenever you need some extra time to love your body. This is a great step-by-step video that walks you through the process.
2. Find a new bra
If you’re like me and you’ve been wearing the same saggy — yet extremely comfortable — nursing bra for the last three years, it might be time for an update. And if you’re also learning to love your breasts again, this seemingly simple task can feel surprisingly overwhelming.
But I can tell you, the minute you put on a brand-new bra that offers actual support, feels fresh, and maybe even, dare I say, a little “sexy,” can be incredibly helpful in the journey toward loving your breasts again. Not only does a well-fitting bra look better under clothes, but it can offer the support you need both physically and, maybe, even emotionally. We mothers can use a little extra support wherever we can get it.
“A brand-new bra that offers actual support, feels fresh, and maybe even, dare I say, a little ‘sexy,’ can be incredibly helpful in the journey toward loving your breasts again.”
Start by measuring your cup and band size so you know what a proper fit should actually feel like. This video is a helpful guide for measuring yourself at home. Then, check out our roundup of sustainable bra guides to find one that feels right for you.
3. Dress to fit your breasts
This is an important one. It can be easy to fall into the trap of reaching for certain things you used to wear because your breasts looked good in them before — but now, they, well, don’t. Instead of trying to force those clothing items to work, explore different silhouettes and cuts that honor your breasts as they are now. It all comes back to finding new ways to appreciate and dress the body you have today.
“Explore different silhouettes and cuts that honor your breasts as they are now.”
If you don’t feel good wearing something because of the way your breasts look or feel in it, don’t wear it. You don’t need to make your body work for your clothes. Find clothes that work for your body instead.
This also goes hand-in-hand with finding a well-fitting bra. Once you have that foundation, it becomes much easier to explore what feels good on your chest now. I’ve also found a newfound excitement in getting to wear clothing that doesn’t have to be breastfeeding-friendly. After years of thinking about access, buttons, necklines, and whether I could easily nurse in something, there’s a sense of freedom in getting dressed just for me again. It feels like another small way of reclaiming my body, and my personal style, after breastfeeding.
4. Learn to view your breasts as yours, and no one else’s
This one is extra tough because there’s a reason I grew up seeing breasts as sexy: Society told me they were. It wasn’t until I experienced how sacred and truly magical breasts are that I began to see them differently. And yet, it’s still ingrained somewhere in our subconscious that our breasts are somehow for others. Then you add the fact that, for a time, they actually were for someone else — namely, our babies.
So it can be a delicate process to begin seeing them as purely your own again. That reclamation can start simply by witnessing them with tenderness and self-love.
“That reclamation can start simply by witnessing them with tenderness and self-love.”
One way to put this shift into practice is to literally speak to your breasts. Say, “Thank you for all the work you have done. You are my very own breasts, and I love you.” Try making this a practice whenever criticism or judgment comes up, or even in those moments when your breasts just feel obnoxious (because, honestly, sometimes they do).
Our relationship with our breasts after breastfeeding is a journey. A wild roller coaster of a journey. One that requires patience and immense self-love. Ideally, over time, these practices can become a way of reminding yourself that your breasts do belong to you and they are worthy of your love simply because they are yours.
Courtney Jay Higgins is a Contributing Editor at The Good Trade. She has a BA in Visual Communications from The Fashion Institute of Design & Merchandising and is the founder of Coincide, a subscription-based yoga platform focusing on inclusive, sustainable yoga rooted in ancient Eastern practices and spirituality. Her 10+ years of experience in yoga include a 200-hr YTT certification in a Hatha-based yoga practice and a certification in prenatal yoga. She has been featured in Shoutout Colorado, Voyage Denver, and Cora’s Blood & Milk. Since 2017, she has been reviewing sustainable fashion, natural makeup, organic wellness, and safe pregnancy products for The Good Trade’s readers.
