dailynewsnblog
We have a FREE WEEK this week here at Four Foxes-One Hound. For this week, I’m stepping back in time, to share something that I wrote about four and a half years ago.
My life circumstances have changed since then. My better half didn’t survive the battle with cancer. So those days of 3-4 doctor’s visits a week are over. But over the past two months, I’ve jumped into my own health complications, discovering I have cataracts and there are some complications slowing down the process for surgical resolution. I’m not in Texas anymore, I’m now living in Arizona with my oldest son and grandson.
But yet, even though these details have changed, the main issue here – the life balance part of the real life/writing equation – remains the same.
The daily minutiae have evolved into something else. But the main take away is still valid. The flogger I mention at the end, that I stuck away inside a drawer, to avoid beating myself up with, is still packed away – never unpacked from the move. Where it belongs. Out of sight. And I urge you that if you have one you tend to use on yourself now and then – toss that sucker in the trash!
Real Life vs Writing
August 1, 2021
Unfortunately, as writers, we all have to deal with the issues that ‘Real Life’ delivers. Which is why I’m writing this essay ten days later than I’d planned. We don’t pen our words in a bubble that surrounds us as a buffer between our imaginary worlds and the real world that we live in.
Darn!
Real Life issues vary from author to author. And they differ as we progress on this journey called life. What I’m dealing with now differs from what I had five years ago, ten years ago, or twenty years ago.
At this moment I’m trying to juggle my writing in between chauffeuring my better half back and forth to chemotherapy, radiation, appointments for lab work, MRI’s, CT Scans and the other miscellaneous ‘stuff’ that comes with a cancer diagnosis. I also have a job, fortunately part time, which allows me the flexibility to juggle my work commitments around a medical schedule. And cats – many of them – which takes up about 2 hours a day in ‘cat duty’. There’s a yard, a half-acre full of lawn, trees, and huge flowerbeds. And perched in the middle of all the days are the odd assortment of tasks – laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc. (When I do those, which isn’t as often nowadays.)
In contrast to what’s on my plate, I don’t have little ones anymore. Or teenagers. Or dogs. Or a full-time job. No family nearby. And many of you are still dealing with these things. Or more.
So, yes, ‘real-life’ sometimes wedges its way into my best laid writing plans. Despite what I plan out for the week or the month, I often find that I’m crossing off fewer tasks than I’d like. Most of them push their way into the next month, and the next month, and soon, books that I’d planned for one year are pushed out so far that two or three years pass by and I haven’t touched them.
Letting this happen, letting ‘real-life’ invade my writing schedule is taunted as being something to avoid at all costs. Don’t let it happen. Get up an hour earlier. Go to bed an hour later. Let things slide. Writing must be the reigning master.
But of course, we know that’s not going to happen either.
As in most everything in life – balance is the key. Just as we sometimes have to consciously work to maintain balance between a job and family, we need to have balance in our writing life too.
Now, if I’d push forward and make sure that writing is held as the highest priority in my life, I might have moved forward in my career faster than I’ve been able to. I might even be a New York Times bestseller by now. I might have accolades and awards to show off for my hard work and dedication. (And maybe not.)
But…balance.
Yes, we need to hold our writing life in the highest regard. But not at the expense of some of the other parts of our life that are just as important. Like family. Friends. Enjoyment. Self-Care.
Balance.
And self-care. We also don’t need to beat ourselves up over something we haven’t accomplished, so something we’re lagging behind in.
For instance, my writing goals for last week were:
- Write 3 chapters in my current WIP, The POW’s Legacy.
- Write 2 essays for A Year in the Life (this book), because I’m a week behind and need to catch up.
- Write 2 Chicken Soup for the Soul essays.
- Write 1 short story for my Short Story of the Month Club that I need to send out in 2 weeks, approximately 4-6,000 words.
What I accomplished was:
- One chapter in my WIP
- 1 essay written (when I finish this)
- 2 Chicken Soup drafts written (one on the computer, one still by hand on a yellow legal pad, written as I sat in a doctor’s office waiting)
- Short story started, but only at 1,500 words so far.
What I achieved was far less than I’d planned. Far less than I really needed to write. But at least I got some words down. I did make some progress.
But if you’re anything like me, even though you might make progress, or if you don’t move forward at all, you probably spend too much time flogging yourself and beating yourself up. Which isn’t good for our souls, our bodies, our health, or our emotions.
I have a friend who is an encourager. Unfortunately, we live far apart. I’m in Texas and she’s in New York. So, most of our communication is via email, occasionally on Facebook. After a free, open day that I’d planned to get a lot of writing done, or after a weekend relatively free of commitments, I’ll email and report on what I’d gotten done over the period. Or, more often, I’d be reporting what I didn’t get done. As I chastise myself and berate myself for not crossing every item off my list.
Cindy is always so great at reminding me to be proud of what I did accomplish. She always writes and holds me up from afar, gently prompting me to be kind to myself.
So, with all this said, I’m not going to write to you as one author to another and force the mantra on you to WRITE-WRITE-WRITE. I’m going to share what I think is most important and use the phrase – BALANCE. Yes, write. Especially if you find that you’re squandering several hours on Facebook, or making TikTok videos, or not making good use of the time you could apply to writing.
But, if you’re not getting done what you need to because your time and energy is more urgently needed in family activities, or keeping a marriage together, or being there for a loved one, or taking time for yourself so that you remain healthy, optimistic, and energetic, then I’m going to support you in that.
Balance.
Some of this. Some of that. If we can keep a balance between writing and Real Life, without falling off of the seesaw, then pat yourself on the back for what you’ve done. Put the flogger away in a drawer. The world is too busy berating us for too many things, we don’t need to join them.
