In my life, there are certain connections with people that feel like magic.

There’s really no other way to describe it. I met them and we clicked immediately, or I felt a deep understanding between us that’s almost inexplicable. How is it that another person could see who I am so clearly, on a level beyond my own comprehension? 

“We tend to forget altogether that we can love just as deeply, fiercely, and continuously with friends.”

Soulmates are often talked about in the romantic context — the person we’re destined to be with, the person we find in every lifetime, the “one.” In a society where love is so often talked about inextricably from romance, we tend to forget altogether that we can love just as deeply, fiercely, and continuously with friends. 

I met one of my best friends, Tiff, for example, in college when we were randomly assigned suitemates. Both shy at first, we gently warmed up to each other, and then one night we let the conversation burst open over a jar of salsa and some tortilla chips. Just like that, we understood each other. I can say anything to this woman; nothing phases her. And I can tell what she’s thinking before she’s thinking it. We’ve moved through life together over the years, and it’s like the universe picked us for each other to do just that. 

Soulmates don’t have to be romantic. And these other connections are equally deep, fulfilling, and important. 

Platonic soulmates are people with whom we feel deep love and connection. It’s someone who understands us completely and sees us for exactly who we are. We don’t have to pretend, to act a certain way, to be anyone but exactly ourselves around them. They’re someone we need in our life, someone we feel drawn to, someone we love incredibly deeply but entirely platonically. 

“We don’t have to pretend, to act a certain way, to be anyone but exactly ourselves around them.”

Aristotle defined friendship as “one soul dwelling in two bodies.” What if this explains why we feel immediately at ease around certain people in our lives? What if this is why certain people understand us like no one else? What if this has nothing to do with romance or sex at all? 

Recently I was talking on the phone with my grandma, and she was telling me about how her friends are everything to her — their conversations, their laughter, their deep emotional connections are a lifeline. We lost my grandpa around two years ago, and one of the things that’s gotten her through her grief is the love from her friendships. And if I’m being honest, they’ve carried her through years of grief before that, too. My other grandma and her friends, too, have been constant sources of love and support throughout each others’ lives. And looking at them, seeing the way their friends are some of the strongest and deepest  — if not the strongest and deepest — connections in their lives, made me think about the power of allowing ourselves to be in community with other souls so deeply.

“Perhaps friendship isn’t one soul dwelling in two bodies, but rather a reflection of different aspects of ourselves.”

Perhaps friendship isn’t one soul dwelling in two bodies, but rather a reflection of different aspects of ourselves. Perhaps we are all souls in community with each other, and some — our soulmates — illuminate and bring out the best parts of ourselves more than others. 

I’m reminded of a quote from one of my favorite books, “They’re Going To Love You” by Meg Howrey, that shook me to my core: “What is the thing that happens in a friendship that isn’t the absence of sex? The thing added, that’s maybe only between women. Not a matter of our organs or whether we were born with them or what we do with them. It’s this: a particular kind of glory that happens when we share our suffering and are seen. There’s a rising — a cry, a rush, a beating of wings together. An exaltation.”

This unspoken and deep sense of knowing is what platonic soulmates offer — the ability to come to them and share the deepest, rawest parts of yourself and be met with nothing but complete understanding and empathy. 

“This unspoken and deep sense of knowing is what platonic soulmates offer.”

“Thinking a lot about my queer friendships and how beautiful it is to be loved beyond the confines and expectations and rules of compulsory cisheteronormativity. Truly, the greatest loves of my life have been friends,” painter and artist Lindsey Cherek Waller writes. I have one of her prints hanging in my living room with the latter half of that quote on it. 

Queer people have long existed outside of traditional expectations for friendships, romance, and love, and the idea of platonic soulmates comes really naturally to us. I know more than a few fellow queer people in my life who’ve stayed friends with people they’ve dated because they still want those connections in their life. I also know friends who love each other so deeply but not in a sexual way at all. They just love deeply and unapologetically. 

This kind of love, this understanding, this desire to see others and be seen for exactly who we are, is just as strong as the romantic love we see all around us. It’s just not as mainstream. But platonic love and platonic soulmates are essential. We need them to feel a deep sense of connection with fellow humans. 

“This desire to see others and be seen for exactly who we are, is just as strong as the romantic love we see all around us.”

And how lucky are we that we get to experience this?

We all need and deserve these types of connections in our lives. Not just because it feels good, but because it’s good for us. 

Studies have found that friendship is directly correlated with well-being and mental health, and has even been shown to positively affect aspects of our physical health, like cardiovascular health, especially with deep and meaningful friendships. Just think of how beneficial a friend who completely understands you and reflects the best parts of yourself back at you can be. That’s what platonic soulmates are. 

I have a writing group — we all happened to take the same writing workshop in the same session last summer — and somehow, magically, we have stayed connected. Across several months, timezones, borders, busy lives, breakups, new relationships, big projects, we feel a sense of understanding, a closeness. If one moment in time for any one of us had been different, if one tiny shift had kept any one of us from taking that class, we could’ve never met. But we did. And when we speak to each other, we breathe. We feel at ease. Because we understand each other like no one else. 

“If one tiny shift had kept any one of us from taking that class, we could’ve never met. But we did.”

My friend Mel wrote of this feeling, “We are more comfortable with each other than most of us are with people we’ve known longer, more intimately, more closely. We hug as much as we can, because we’re drawn to each other like magnets. We take care of each other, making sure frostbite is as far away as the hot summer days when we met. The words “I love you” tumble out of our mouths as naturally as breathing.” 

As naturally as breathing. That’s what platonic soulmates feel like. The ability to feel close to someone as naturally as taking a breath to say I see you, I understand you, I love you.

Brianna Schubert is a writer and editor based in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. She is a Contributing Editor at The Good Trade, an editorial assistant at Motley Bloom, and a freelance writer. She has a Bachelor of Arts in Journalism from the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee. Since 2023, Brianna has combined her expertise and investigative skills to deliver thoughtful reviews of sustainable products and home goods, helping readers make informed, eco-conscious choices. Brianna is also the writer behind The Mood Board, a Substack newsletter for creativity and inspiration. When she’s not writing, you can find her cooking up a new recipe, reading and recommending books, cuddling with her cat, or yapping with her friends at a café. Say hi on Instagram!