Sundays are for deciding to re-watch The Sopranos. Specifically that episode in which Tony gets a bad tummy and then talks to a fish. You wonder what you might fever dream of, if you too were to go and eat at an Indian restaurant, then have enough room for a snack at Artie Bucco’s fine Italian eatery? Would you too dream of surreal wandering down a boardwalk? Would you instead dream something different? Would you dream of a platypus sitting in a high-rise apartment, looking up from the newspaper as he reminds a house guest not to trip over a potted cactus when they exit his bathroom?

Would that be the-Oh. Oh no. It’s happening again. The person who’s emerged from the bathroom, tripping over the plant on the way, is bald and reeks of alternative comedy. Ready the words and prepare to fire.

Since this is a reunion, you start by loading up an interview with the two lead actors of Life is Strange: Reunion, which came out this week. Perhaps the words coaxed out of Hannah Telle and Rhianna DeVries by Europeanvideogamer’s Victoria Phillips Kennedy will ward off the great edvil.

“Well, I feel like these characters hold such a special place in so many people’s hearts, including mine and everyone who made the game,” Telle replies, “so it’s essential to me that their coming back together is approached with care and love and caution, and complete and full awareness of the myriad complexities of what can happen when there’s been time apart and you’ve both grown and experienced life on your own… but yet your shared history is so rich and so enormously impactful on who you’ve become, and who you’re still becoming.”

It’s no use. The toilet emerger marches on towards the platypus, whom you now notice to be staring at a specific article in his newspaper. It’s about a person, specifically GamesRadar’s Andrew Brown, a complex love for Marathon’s Volt Thrower SMG.

I’m in the minority. Within a week of Marathon’s launch, I learned the Volt Thrower has a reputation for low damage and lower projectile speeds. Both of these things are true, leading to doubt in our relationship. Was it to blame for my string of bad runs? Since then, I’ve broadened my horizons – leaning on the Bully SMG, using more assault rifles, and even trying my hand at sniping with the Longshot – but after mixed success (I’ll give you this: the Longshot rules), I’m putting my faith back in the One Bad Gun.

Your momentary distraction has left the platypus even closer to peril, stray loo roll trailing from the trouser leg of his would-be accoster as they get closer and closer together. Ah! You notice some red pudding near your animal friend. Perhaps it can be flung in the face of his potential attacker, leading said attacker to become distracted by a slew of opinions? It’s worth a shot. You load up Fraser Brown from cheery RPS fanzine PC Gamer’s thoughts on red pudding, which happened to emerge from the oven on the same day as some thoughts on the same unknowable and terrifying game by a writer called Bark Sporren.

It’s so rare for a game of this scope, with this much investment, to be a freak. It’s such a huge gamble. We expect our blockbuster games to be smooth, frictionless power fantasies. We expect intuitive design with dense tutorialisation. And, to be clear, this is fine! This is our hobby (even if some of us have made a career out of it), so it shouldn’t feel like work. But I’m absolutely delighted that Crimson Desert is just taking a punt on so many different ideas. They haven’t all worked out, but they’re always interesting.

Not even the densest and vastest of red pudding can stop this platypus from having to confront the horror lumbering towards him. Wait. As ever, there’s one final round left in your chamber. News of OpenAI and Disney having had to kiss goodbye to their sloppy video generation app, Sora. Perhaps a headline as brilliant as ‘Now That OpenAI Has Terminated Sora, How Will I Have This Blog Read To Me By An Uncanny Buxom Mike Wazowski?’, from Defector’s Patrick Redford, can save the day?

The good news (for the human race, if not for the subset of it who yearn for full-motion renderings of Jack Skellington breastfeeding Buzz Lightyear) is that Sora is such a money-losing piece of shit that OpenAI had to tear up the deal before it ever got going. The video platform is estimated to have lost $15 million per day, which means OpenAI would have burnt through the Disney investment in two months. As recent Wall Street Journal reporting has detailed, OpenAI is now attempting to streamline its cash-furnace business model ahead of a probable public offering in late 2026.

Your last hope fades. Adrian Edmondson completes his walk to the platypus. He gives the animal a big hug from behind. The bald comedian smiles as you as he does so. “Did you wash your hands?,” the platypus asks. “No,” Ade answers, unrepentantly. “Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww,” shouts the platypus. You avert your gaze. You wonder if Artie Bucco’s mussels are what left you powerless to fight your mortal enemy on this occasion.

Then, you wake up in a cold sweat. You run to the toilet. Fart noises that feel a bit too hilarious for a generally pretty serious HBO drama, but in a way you can’t help but love, begin to erupt. Thru and Thru by The Rolling Stones is barely audible due to this gassy din.