dailynewsnblog
Something is shifting. In the past year, conversations about menopause have grown louder — on podcasts, in doctors’ offices, at dinner tables. And when we asked our readers to share their own experiences, more than 150 of you offered up your perspective!
“This transition is easier when we talk about it.”
You told us about perimenopause beginning in your thirties. About surgical menopause in your twenties. About a decade of symptoms before anyone named what was happening. You told us about rage and resilience, about antidepressants and hormone therapy, about feeling invisible — and then, unexpectedly, free.
Above all, your responses carried one unifying truth: This transition is easier when we talk about it. So we’re sharing your words here — not as medical advice, but as lived experience. As proof that this stage of life, in all its complexity, deserves to be witnessed. 💛
*Some responses have been condensed or edited for clarity.
Medical dismissal and misdiagnosis
“I am 51 and still in perimenopause (which is so annoying – let it be done already!). What surprised me is how none of my medical practitioners — from a Gyno to Primary (both women) to a naturopath — talked to me about perimenopause when my symptoms were obvious beginning about 8 years ago. They diagnosed me with depression and gave me antidepressants. That was it. I was 49 when a friend started talking to me about it, at which point I brought it to my Gyno and she said, “Oh! Sure, let’s explore that.” It was honestly infuriating. What helped me is a friend recommending Dr. Marie Claire Haver to me, who validated all my experiences and helped me start talking more about my journey to support others. I’m a Gen Xer who won’t shut up about it, whether I’m on social media or talking to my fiancé or my son or my GFs. I’m fortunate and grateful that HRT works for me. The ways I’ve changed are I’m more kind and compassionate to myself when I’m struggling and I’m a much stronger advocate for women’s health. Oh! And I decreased my antidepressant dose once estrogen kicked in.” — Thea E.
“I thought I had anxiety. A doctor was more than happy to put me on Lexapro without considering that anxiety is a huge symptom of perimenopause. As soon as I was put on HRT, zero need for Lexapro. I’m still salty about that.” — JY
“Currently in menopause………Perimenopause was very difficult in so many ways! Physically, I didn’t recognize myself anymore, this brought on a time of grief and sadness, trying so desperately to look at myself with love. Emotionally, I was all over the emotion spectrum and could switch pretty quickly from rage to complete sadness. Spiritually, I drew closer to God. Didn’t feel supported by my OB. I asked questions and she said, time and again that ‘you are just getting older’. Don’t know if she was blowing me off or just didn’t know the answers to the questions I asked.” — H.D.
“While there are many jokes about woman and their symptoms, I would say at 12 years after menopause, it would have been a smoother transition if there was more clarity from the medical field. It is a normal biological process that all woman experience whether you have had a child or not. In my experience, I believe it should be treated as more of a “condition” that your doctor guides you through. Almost the same as the 9 months of pregnancy where you see a doctor more regularly. Instead it is simply discussed and treated as a bizarre right of passage. It takes several years between perimenopause and menopause. You don’t fully understand all that happens until you are halfway through it is or until it is over. You question many or most of the symptoms wondering if you are, in fact, in that stage of your life until you realize you, in fact are. I put the onus on the gynecologists and the insurance companies to treat it and guide you through the symptoms that significantly impact quality of life. While I get the jokes and they do make me laugh, I also hesitate on just how funny it really is.” — CM
“I’m 57 now and began this journey almost 20 years ago. Back then, perimenopause wasn’t discussed nor was menopause. My mother and sister both had hysterectomies in their 40’s due to uterine fibroids, so I had no one to tell me what to expect except a doctor. I had stopped seeing my OB/Gyn after I had children, because I didn’t want to wait for hours while they delivered a baby when I could go to a PCP that would take care of my well-woman exam. My PCP was a female and I was sure she would be the help I needed.
Around 37 or 38, I began having irregular periods and hot flashes. My body ached all over, mostly my joints. My PCP kept telling me I was too young to be going into menopause and I begged her to test my hormones and also the C-reactive protein (inflammation markers). When she reported the tests were “normal”, I was so discouraged. Finally, 10 years later (at 47), I had my final period and I thought that was “it”. My hot flashes had mostly subsided but my joint aches were worse and my brain fog was terrible! My children kept saying, “Mom, you can’t remember anything!” I knew I wasn’t developing dementia or anything like that but I still questioned my health.
I had looked forward to my 50s — no period and enjoying my adult children as they transitioned from high school to college to careers. However, I felt like I was 90 years old with all the body aches and joint stiffness. When I gave up sugar for Lent two years in a row, I realized that I felt great. Although I could only find an explanation that sugar was inflammatory in our bodies, I gave it up and felt much better, but I occasionally had pain in my joints that felt like a rubber band that was dried up and stretched way beyond its limit. I was still experiencing brain fog, fatigue, weight gain, hair loss and texture change, radical dryness EVERYWHERE, sleep issues and a new sensitivity to consuming dairy products as well. Around 55 or 56, female doctors started discussing menopause on social media, podcasts, in news publications and on television. Not my PCP or local doctors — just those who were becoming similar to celebrities. Thank goodness they had researched the topic and were finally providing us with real information, debunking past studies on HRT and linking us with specialists in menopause. Through an organization that Dr. Mary Claire Haver mentioned, I found a local OB/Gyn who was listed as a specialist. A breakthrough!
When I walked into my first appointment with this menopause specialist, I saw this young, skinny, beautiful, passionate OB/Gyn who has figuratively saved my life! Although I wanted to dislike her because she looked like I used to feel, I loved her immediately! We talked about hormones, she tested mine, we discussed medications and treatments and life has drastically improved! I see her every 4 months where she tests my hormones and balances them with medication. No more hot flashes or sleep issues. My body isn’t as dry as sand paper. My hair and complexion are coming back to normal. I have answers to why my body and tendons ache and why I have a dairy sensitivity now. More people are talking about menopause, sharing information, pledging more research and studies, and truly seeing women going through a drastic medical stage rather than ghosting them with shoulders shrugged. I’m on the right track now and know that many others are, too. Most importantly, I know my daughters (25, 26 and 28) will know what to expect and how to get treatment when they reach their late 30’s. Move over, men, the women are now seen!” — CAW
“I had no idea my mood swings and headaches were perimenopause. I had talked with both my GP, a therapist and my gynecologist and nobody even considered it despite the fact I was in my late 40’s. Finally my older friend suggested seeing a nurse practitioner that specifically worked with women to obtain compounded hormones. She retired so I talked with my gynecologist again who would only prescribe “regular” HRT. I asked if she had any resources to learn more about menopause. 20 minutes later she came back with a lame pamphlet. Years later I found Dr Mary Claire Haver on Tik Tok and began my own journey. I’m beginning to honor my body and the changes and have recently started charting my “symptoms?” And changes. I suspect I’m cycling but am uncertain the cyclical length. I’m using a lunar cycle app, of course, like my gyno clinic, it’s geared towards fertility and baby making. I’m not giving up, I’m seeking books and research and groups that honor post-menopause. And, I’m using my wisdom and time to support my younger working mom friends and family. I’m even considering specializing in working with women beginning perimenopause through post menopause in my clinical practice. We all need support, affirmations and to know our options while being honored.” — Kelli P.
“I have gone through menopause and I am now “post-menopausal”. What surprised me at the time (2022) was the lack of information, care, communication and access to doctors that were educated and/or specialized in perimenopause, menopause and post-menopause. Apparently, very little time is devoted to learning about menopause in medical school. Listening to my body and repeatedly expressing my symptoms (which there are 30+) until doctors heard me helped me get the treatment I so desperately needed. I can honestly and wholeheartedly state that hormone replacement therapy was the #1 thing that helped me and truly saved my life. I have learned, we as women and as a society, need to be open about discussing the challenges of menopause and push for education prior to entering this stage of life. I have changed immensely through this journey and I am hopeful that the future generation of women transitioning into menopause will have much better access to information and care than I did.” — Tiffany F.
“I am around 8 years post menopause and it hasn’t been the easiest of journeys. When I realized why the changes in my body were happening the harder part was trying to find a medical provider who would listen. It is sad to say you will likely encounter more walls and resistance to help than a woman ever should. I have been on an estrogen patch for 4 years now and am feeling okay. Now I am seeing an amazing nutritionist who in one visit has helped in so many ways. Advocate for yourself vehemently and keep searching for ‘your person’ and don’t take no or ‘you’re fine’ as an answer if you aren’t feeling fine!” — Charley
“What surprised me was how much I didn’t know about it. I grew up knowing that you become cranky and get hot flashes. If only! The cranky didn’t happen until I was post-menopausal and it was more of a rage to be honest. Oh, and frozen shoulder for two years which NO DOCTOR mentioned that it could have been from menopause – I’ve only recently heard this. I’m also thankful that the scare of HRT causing cancer has been debunked and the truth has come out that it affects 1:10,000 women (or so I have read). It is shocking to me how much hormones affect every system, every joint, every book and cranny in our bodies and nobody is educated well. You must educate yourself! Read as much as you can. Listen to podcasts. It all makes so much more sense now that HRT is deemed safe, I got into my doctor and it has helped me a lot! It may not be your answer and you find what is right for you!.” — Andrea S
Perimenopause can last a decade (or more)
“When I finally stopped getting my period, at age 53, the symptoms I’d had since I entered perimenopause at age 38 (hot flashes, irritability, memory and sleep issues, inability to lose weight, and widespread achiness) started to lesson. I never took any medication specifically for these symptoms. I now rarely have hot flashes and have started to lose weight. I sleep better and am far less likely to snap at co-workers or family. I still experience brain fog, however.” — Gretchen
“I am 54, been on my menopause journey since 47, so when they say its a 10+ year process they mean it. The biggest surprise for me was the ‘new’ issues, like indigestion. I experienced severe acid reflux, gastritis, can no longer consume certain foods. I eventually moved to a GERD diet which has helped tremendously. I also experience ‘butterflies’ in my throat periodically which was at first alarming. The anxiety is heightened when I have the butterflies, but have implemented some breathing and self-soothing techniques, for example observing my surroundings and telling myself I am safe, I am not in danger or harm. This took a couple of months to adjust but has been very helpful. I am very very lucky that I have not experienced the hot flashes or night sweats. I might have paid my dues as a young girl with the horrendous periods I used to have. Today, learning from the last seven years of symptoms and making the lifestyle changes I have (including more exercise), I have actually lost 20 lbs, which is the opposite of the menopausal weight gain. I know this could be extremely unique to the majority of women. Writing this makes it seem so insignificant, but the symptoms were bad. I feel for all my fellow peri- and menopausal women. =)” — Melissa M
“I’m currently going through menopause… at the end of it. I have been dealing with symptoms since 2014. I’m currently 52.” — M.H.
The symptoms no one warned us about
Joint Pain & Frozen Shoulder
“Hot flashes, night sweats, vaginal dryness were expected and easily recognized as signs my body was changing. What I didn’t initially know was part of menopause for some, including me, was pervasive joint pain. My hips, elbows, and especially my knees ached and creaked. Testing showed no signs of arthritis, but I could hardly get around without pain and could not play tennis.
I found a reference online that mentioned joint pain as one of many possible symptoms of menopause. My gynecologist, who is young and brilliant, suggested we try HRT. She explained that today’s HRT is not like ‘your mom’s HRT’. It is much safer and is transdermal. I use an estrogen gel. This has absolutely changed my life. My joints have returned to functional, night sweats and hot flashes mostly gone, and I’m now enjoying the best sex of my life with no vaginal dryness in sight. I tell all my friends ‘ask your doctor for HRT’. If they won’t give it to them, I say ‘get a new doctor, and here is the name of mine’.” — Anonymous The Good Trade Reader
“Hi I had Frozen shoulder twice I went to the doctor got X-rays had to get a MRI got it treated with a cortisone shot. To find out frozen shoulder is a symptom of menopause in both instances my doctor was a female she never told me the first time I got it that it was part of menopause and that it something that could come back again or what to do to avoid it from coming back it very painful and takes about 6 months to go away!” — Gina Ortiz
Brain Fog & Cognitive Changes
“I am so happy to share! The most important thing to be know about menopause is to be curious and vulnerable to ask questions. Your story and experience is your own. Take in resources like books, podcast, and women practitioners who have However, the value of shared story and experience will offer guidance to yours being better. A few personal things that showed up and got my attention were the following: feeling colder than usual, brain fog that hit mid afternoon, inability to sleep soundly, aches in my joints, emotional over simple things, etc. The one that convinced me to see a women’s provider was the idea that I could not get ‘warm’. I had given the idea of wearing sweaters for years. Turns out that can also be in indicator to low estrogen. The second attention getter was that during my work, I would literally get a thought that was blank or slowed processor to respond in conversational dialogue. Brain fog anyone? The least but still annoying thing was my adhd. I have been a very” A” type person and list maker, but now I struggled to complete the most basic tasks. Sound familiar? My focus had diminished and wasn’t certain where it had gone. My entire person was running at a different pace and varied map than ever before. I knew I had to ask for someone to help me understand the ways I can be my best self during this type of feeling hijacked in my mind and body.” — Michelle Knickerbocker
“My last period was almost 8 years ago, and I’m surprised that I am still experiencing symptoms. I was surprised at the variety of symptoms, far beyond the stereotypical hot flashes, vaginal dryness, weight gain, thinning hair, and inability to sleep: increased anxiety, hair texture changes (mine went from light waves to curly), worsening migraines, dry skin.
I’ve tried to educate myself on menopause and to pay close attention to the changes I’ve experienced/noticed. I’ve sought help from my OB/GYN to manage symptoms that were affecting my quality of life. Sadly, I’m not a candidate for systemic HRT, but targeted HRT has been a blessing. I encourage every woman to discuss their options with their doctor. If their doctor dismisses what they’re going through, and they have the option, find a new doctor or get help online.
I think it’s important to discuss what is happening in your body with your loved ones. I had a talk with my husband about what I was experiencing, things he noticed and was frustrated by, but didn’t understand – increased anxiety, lack of tolerance for other people’s BS, etc. It helps having the support of your doctor AND your loved ones. All women will go through menopause if they live long enough, and we shouldn’t have to go through it alone. I think it’s wonderful that menopause is stepping out of the shadows – women’s issues shouldn’t be hidden.
Today, I have tools to combat symptoms. I have better boundaries – lack of tolerance for other people’s BS can be a good thing in many ways! I’ve learned to listen to myself.” — SF
Mental Health
“I was blindsided by the mental health issues that came with peri/menopause.” — Cori I.
“My symptoms came on very early, in my late 30s. I began putting on weight even while I was eating right and exercising, I was dealing with an unusual amount of fatigue, my period ended almost abruptly. Hot flashes started coming on, radiating from my belly. I’d put my daughter’s hand on my tummy so she could feel the heat and her eyes would widen dramatically. ‘Are you okay??’ she would ask. It would pass after a few minutes and then I’d be freezing cold. After some time, I couldn’t even work out, I was so damn tired even after sitting at my desk at work all day. And then came the depression. Crushing depression. I’m not generally a depressed person overall, I’m rather sunny with a side a melancholy built in for good measure. This was different. This was AWFUL. What is wrong with me?! I get my labs done every year and my levels were all within normal range. My doctor finally ran a hormone panel, though skeptical about it all. She sent my results to an in-house doctor with an extensive background in hormones. He said, “you are definitely in perimenopause.” He was quite surprised at my age, but also stated that women are starting menopause much earlier now. My mother started in her 50s! This could possibly be due to girls starting their periods earlier, it could have to do with my PCOS, who knows. Here we are. He started me on hormone therapy– BHRT in my case. He had me on very low mixed dose, plus a separate progesterone for better, deeper sleep. He said if I feel extremely stressed about something, I can take a small extra bit to calm me. We continued to monitor not only my labs, but my overall feelings. He used science PLUS intuition. We got me settled into a proper dosage after about a year– I felt much better, but still not fantastic. I assumed this was just as good as it could get. This would be how I felt going forward. When he left the practice I was sent to a nurse practitioner at in a different practice who specialized in hormone therapy. She looked at my dosages and compared to my labs and said “we are starting over. This isn’t how we do things.” She was so diligent about getting it right. Within a few months i lost the belly fat that would not budge. I had so much energy I was running twice a day (note: this was just my body freaking out because of the extra testosterone, it eventually leveled out). No depression. Much better sleep. Zero hot flashes. BHRT has saved my life. It has changed me forever and I will take it for as long as I live. I take a half tab in my cheek in the morning, and 12 hours later I take the other half. That’s it! Every year I go back for more labs to make sure I’m still level. She asks me how I’m feeling and compares that to the results. I’ve now been post-menopausal for several years and couldn’t be happier. I weight train like an athlete. I run circles around my peers. BLESS BRHT.” — EMZ
“Yes gone or going through now, very hard..didn’t think it would be because my mother had an easy time. I went through a depression and had a lot of aniexty and I’m a person who doesn’t care about age. It was a surprise, I didn’t have estrogen, testosterone or progesterone… still getting that balanced . I’m doing better now , medication and therapy to help manage the stress of it all.” — Anonymous The Good Trade Reader
“What surprised me was my sex drive went down the drain. My anxiety was misdiagnosed as a mental health situation, but it was actually entering menopause and my estrogen levels going down. It was ‘normal’ to feel this way, and it has adjusted. I am doing more things for ME now, and discovering new interests and don’t feel guilty about it!!!!” — Lynn B
Sleep Disruption
“I’m 57. I GET to be, and I view life this way because we lost my mother at 54 to uterine cancer. My menopause journey began a shift in my family to find answers never discovered. I GET to advocate for my needs and be a voice where there was silence. At 54, my own journey began with a rapid decrease in estrogen at 55, which led me into learning I also had hEDS. What everyone said was ‘frozen shoulder’ turned out to be part of a hypermobile body. I also lost sleep every night, up to use the bathroom, restless, waking at 2 or 3 am , and experienced evening hot flashes. I had to find a practitioner to listen. My skin reactions started, so I changed every product that touched my skin. I’m also on a gluten free low dairy diet. Starting hormone therapy (compounded Bi-Est) helped significantly. I also learned about histamine intolerance , which can occur when estrogen shifts. Compounded HRT has been helpful for my journey, as it also restored energy and improved my sleep quality. I’m being permitted to live a more healthy life than my mother and ancestors, and I consider this stage of life one of empowerment and new choices!” — SP.
Hair & Skin Changes
“Everything drops … I was shocked at how quickly my face aged, like a melted candle.” — Regina M.
“My straight hair became curly, and unfortunately, a bit frizzy. It reminds me of when I was younger and had a lot of perms because I liked the way it looks. Now it’s natural like that and I have a love-hate relationship with it. I can’t seem to find the right product that leaves the curls defined yet not frizzy. I’ve been spending a lot of money trying to find it 😁. I know this problem is minor in comparison to other women’s issues, but I’m going to keep looking!” — McA
Surgical and medically-induced menopause
“I had a hysterectomy at 23 that left me with one ovary and a 50/50 chance of keeping it. Months after the surgery I exhibited signs of menopause…the likes of which I had read about from women in their 50’s, so I changed my diet and seemed to level out for quite some time. Then at 41 it was discovered that I had grown a 24 pound tumor on that remaining ovary. This has not been the greatest ride, but at 56 I am pretty good and healthy, with diet and exercise having helped regulate my system.” — Jody
“Yes and yes! I was medically induced into menopause at the age of 40 due to cancer. It’s been a wild ride. I’m 42 now and everything possible has been my experience.” — Leanne B.
“I’m not sure if this counts or is helpful, but I had a total hysterectomy at age 46. I had no perimenopause symptoms prior to the surgery. I did have a long-standing diagnosis of Hashimoto’s hypothyroidism. It was well-managed and stable.
After the hysterectomy-automatic post-menopause, my thyroid went crazy and suddenly I developed hyperthyroidism in the form of Grave’s disease. I developed thyroid eye disease in one eye only. I have used a hormone patch since the week following the surgery, but my endocrine system has still not reset more than 2 years later. It has been confirmed that I have both Hashimoto’s and Grave’s disease. Additionally, I have experienced significant hair-loss and have a very low testosterone level. I went to my PCP the week before the surgery to discuss possible changes I would experience as a result of the surgery, specifically related to my thyroid. Both my PCP and GYN said everything would be good. No problems to be expected. They could not have been more wrong. Now I’m trying to regrow my once thick head of hair, have gained 10 pounds that will.not.budge. and I bounce up and down the TSH and all related thyroid scales..” — JWS
“At 23, I went through surgical menopause. I am a *DES Daughter and Granddaughter, which unfortunately caused years of pain, missing or malformed organs, and hemorrhaging since year 11 when menses started. What physicians failed to explain to me pre-surgery was the possibility that my glandular system might decide to fill the deficit of hormones that had declined. For most, this will not happen. You will have a lovely post-menopause, filled with confidence and grace. My journey, however, has not been as easy. I have endured over 30 years of post-menopausal PMDD and Hot Flashes.
I still struggle with monthly PMDD, but my days are much more tolerable. In the past few years, the random hot flash or night sweat still ignites my flesh and parches my soul, but I can see the light at the end of the hormonal tunnel, possibly closer than I had thought even yesterday.
There can be a true feeling of freedom that begins after menopause, but for some of us, we may need have a little more grace in the waiting. Sure, I still have those days when my brain is on overdrive, and I revert to the insecure pre-menopausal girl that will always live inside. When these days appear, I try to sit back and reassure her that the season of worry, the season of fear, and the season of not loving yourself are gone. We, she, and I are now in a place of choice, a place of discovery, and a place of forgiveness. We are there together. We, all of us, are “here”. Let’s continue encouraging each other and telling our truth. We are all still girls playing the game of life in a woman’s body. That, my friends, is not for the faint of heart.” — Gina M
“My experience was a rare one. At 44, I was still on BCP for regulation. For a few months, I had been asking my GYN if I should stop, as my off weeks were full of migraines, hot flashes, and just pure misery. She said I was ‘too young’. Six months later, I go for my mammogram, they ‘find something,’ and I have to stop the pill before my lumpectomy. It was cancer — early stage — and estrogen receptor positive, which basically means I was feeding it by taking the BCP. I ended up having a partial mastectomy, and radiation…and never getting my period ever again. I did, however get to experience extreme menopause over the summer of 2023, as my body was losing estrogen at a fast pace. I didn’t sleep…and basically have not slept through the night since. I also have Frozen Shoulder syndrome, and brain fog which is probably the most frustrating as I also have Celiac disease, and getting glutened can have that same foggy feeling, so I really have to pay attention to my body. Lastly, cancer medications caused abnormal vaginal bleeding a couple times which led to more biopsies and a DNC. I’m not taking those meds anymore, which was definitely a choice, not recommended by my oncologist. It’s been a wild journey these past few years.” — Jill T.
The HRT reckoning
“My main thing to say first off is that women and menopause is not a priority in the medical community and women are suffering needlessly, neglected even. I went through menopause when I was 50. I am now 59 and just starting HRT. I was told erroneously as I was going through menopause that I would not be able to take HRT because my mother had had breast cancer and that taking hormones could build cancerous tissue! As it turned out the study that my practitioner referred to as I was speaking to her was a faulty study in many ways. This used to be the medical information that was given to women like me. So my hormones tanked during this time and I thought that was just the way it was. I didn’t have serious symptoms like night sweats, but my depression was worse, I had NO libido and poor sleep. I found a female practitioner who is an expert of women’s hormones. She has me on the right track now, but I feel cheated of some good years of my life because I did not have the good benefits of HRT.” — EHawkins
“At the age of 44, I was in menopause. Now, at the age of 58 when I reflect back on my menopause journey, with a clarity and understanding that just did not feel accessible to me at the time, I have so much more insight and knowledge with regards to what was happening to my body, mind and spirit. During perimenopause, which is an ALL ENCOMPASSING transition that impacts so many aspects of women’s health, and hits at a time in our lives when there are already so many demands on us, i.e. parenting children, perhaps taking care of aging parents, in the prime of our careers, I felt a fog settle around me that had me wondering if I would ever see the glimmers of a life that fed joy into my soul. After countless nights of interrupted sleep, unexplained weight redistribution, increasing cholesterol levels, amongst a host of other questionable phenomenon, I arrived at the destination of menopause.
What I now know is how very important it is to listen to your body and to educate and advocate for yourself. Listen to podcasts with experts in the field, research the subject, the treatment options, the risk versus benefit of HRT in your own individual case and seek vetted and trusted practitioners specific to the field of menopause. We all have our own unique blueprint and should not adopt what works for others, but seek what our bodies are calling for and pay careful attention to the response we experience in relation to various therapeutics.
Finally, after fourteen years post-menopause I have started Estrogen-only replacement after a full hysterectomy. You see, my journey occurred when the muddied waters of The Women’s Health Initiative still prevailed as the gold-standard for HRT replacement, or lack-there-of. It has been six months since I started on an estrogen patch and I can honestly say that had I never reintroduced this critical hormone back into my body I would not have known how very good I could feel. I have fully emerged from my dormant state and have stepped into a more vibrant existence.” — D.L.
“What surprised me? That more women did not and had not shared their experiences. I am 18 years since my last period and at that time Doctors were still saying that hot flashes lasted 6 months and that hormone therapy was not recommended. Not much helped me to be honest, I just hung in there and did the best I could nutritionally and physically. I now live with high blood pressure and osteoporosis. What I have learned is that now I would recommend that you’re women absolutely consider a course of hormone replacements. I have learned to be confused by medical recommendations and to be skeptical.” — Cathy H.
“Hello. I just turned 63. I was 51 when I entered menopause…seems like a lifetime ago! I had heard so many horror stories about it – hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings etc – so I was prepared for the worst. But thankfully I had mostly mild symptoms from the start. Very mild hot flashes (my sister would randomly get really hot, turn red and start sweating, oftentimes in public!); vaginal dryness; mild sleep disturbances, which got better over time. I have to say, it was pretty great not having to deal with periods again! I always used that mindset as a “silver lining” to aging. I felt very lucky compared to many other women. I didn’t have to take HRT drugs, however, now I’m hearing that HRT drugs are very good for overall women’s health, including protecting the heart. I’m kind of wishing I’d have taken them. I’d love to learn more about that. Maybe it’s not to late start.” — Jen F.
Lifestyle as lifeline: Movement, nutrition, and radical self-care
“Currently I’m somewhere in the middle of menopause (I’m a young 55) and the absolute best thing I did for myself was the work/prep I did in perimenopause. I got in better physical shape (worked out more/lots of walking), went plant-based, and added intermittent fasting to my every day. I whole-heartedly believe that gave me an edge in my overall health as I entered into menopause. My Mom passed from breast cancer when she was only 52 so I knew in my late 20’s that I was not going to be using any HRT and had to find my own path to keeping me healthy as I got older (yeah, yeah…I know they say it’s ‘OK to use now’…but for me I have to go with my gut on this one 😉 It has not always been easy but I’m not sure that is the goal but rather the focus on overall health. They say anything worth having is worth the effort and our health is very much worth it!
My advice as I am going through it now is just ‘lean into it’. If you wake up at 3am for no reason (reason=menopause) make use of it. Get up, exercise, read, get ready for the day and remember a positive attitude goes a long way. Having a personal heat wave?…Dress in layers and just know that you are not alone. Brain fog is real and yes, creatine helps (I’ve just recently added this to my daily routine and I wish I did 10 years ago) and get yourself a group of older women who you can talk to because that is the one thing I wish I had. Peri/menopause can be heavy without that kind of mentor-like support.
I’m also mindful of talking to my own daughter and daughter in-law about all of this as well because there is no way I’m letting my girlies go into this later on without the info I found to be helpful. In ways I’ve changed I would have to say I’ve learned to give myself Grace for the first time ever and not be so hard on myself. Boundaries are a thing for me now too; as I’m learning to say ‘no’ a little more to the things that rob my life of peace and joy, providing me more opportunities to say ‘yes’ to all the good stuff. You’ve got this! Hugs!” — April V.
“I had early menopause at the age of 40 during Covid. I was going through some rough time. Due to Covid I did not receive any help from the general practitioner. I had put on about 10-12 kilos, suffered from hot flashes, heart palpitations that would wake me up and scare me as I did not know what was going on. I did not even have clue if this was menopause as I thought I was too young for it. Few months down the line I started experience leg pain that did not allow me to sleep at night an I use to feel lethargic all day. I was sent to hospital for a scan and the results came fine. I was then booked for physio appointment which happened to be life changing. My physiotherapist told me to work on my lifestyle. I took it seriously. My daughter was 9 years then and I wanted to be fit and energetic. I started waking up early did stretches and yoga, (this has truly helped me not only to get rid of my joint pain but also make me strong and flexible), strength training twice a week, jog and walk when possible mainly over the weekend. I started watching closely whats going on my plate. I eliminated processed foods and started including whole foods in my diet including nuts and seeds, veggies, fruits, carbs, protein and healthy fats. I practised mediation and breathing exercise and started journalling the following year keeping track of my activities, and keep stress at bay. This really helped me become more mindful and grateful in turn. My free time would be spent in nature. In 3 years time without me noticing all pain was gone, my sleep quality improved, energy level enhanced and I had lost 14kgs! My skin texture improved. People started questioning me what have I bee doing! But answer was simple. I practised self care. I deleted social media apps, empty scrolling and promised myself that I would spend time on my well being both mental and physical as this is interlinked. I was advised to take HRT but my deep love for Ayurveda that believes in healing through food and lifestyle did not allow me to take that decision. I feel more younger and energetic than I when was 40. It has been 6 years and I am still practising the same routine. My advise to all the women is consistency is the key. Small steps taken daily will definitely show big results over the time. Dont focus on the number on the scale. Just focus on feeling good and keep going. You will get there.” — Mrs Sapna Anadkat
“Sleep deprivation was the most significant and initially I found relief in CBD, especially in gummie form. Have been on HRT for less than a year now and ended the use of CBD – sleep and hot flashes have resolved. High protein diet and movement are part of my wellness plan also” — SF
“Yes- my daily Magnesium supplements have helped me tremendously with sleep. I take 2 supplements every night.” — WB
“I’m in perimenopause and it’s a rollercoaster! Started out with heart, palpitations, nerve pain, and numbness, and of course, the mood swings and insomnia. But I am learning to set some boundaries, protect my sleep schedule and lean into exercise and strength training.. and all the breath work!” — Jessica C
Identity shifts and midlife rewrites
“What surprised me was how little people like to talk about it—like it’s taboo instead of a natural female process! What helped was finding some women (online) who had some really good insight and advice as well as confirming that I’m not crazy! (Well, maybe we all are a little crazy.) What I have learned is that I am a lot stronger than I give myself credit for and I have so much more to give this world and that I want to be truly authentic to who I am. I’m not living my life how I think others what me to or to their expectations. I have also come to realize so many systems and institutions that I built my life around are not really what I align to now and gave myself permission to question what I truly believe. This has led to a deconstruction of my faith and a realignment with my ‘spiritual self’ but away from my ‘religious self.’ Much has changed over the last several years (and since menopause): I ended my marriage (after 26 years). I went back to school and completed my Masters degree. I fell in love with a woman and now have a true connection with a person. I bought a house on my own and am financially independent for the first time ever. I feel like menopause was the awakening to my true self and my potential!” — Tina W.
“I went through menopause early (44). I think the best thing I did for myself was go to menopause.org and find a medical professional who is certified through The Menopause Society to help talk me through my symptoms and explain things in a really thoughtful and relatable way. She also put me on Menopause Hormone Therapy (MHT) and that has been a game changer for all the side effects (hot flashes, sleeplessness, anxiety, brain fog, dryness, etc.). The most liberating part of the process has been the confidence it’s brought. Ending my marriage and dating in early menopause have been interesting, but embracing my authentic self and living in my integrity in a way I never have before, has been truly a gift.” — K.P.
“What surprised me most about menopause was how quietly it arrived. It happened little by little, almost without me noticing, until one day it felt like a shock to my system. It wasn’t until I saw photos and videos of myself from three years earlier that I realized how much had changed, my skin, my hair, my lips. Even my mood had shifted; I felt numb at times, erratic at others.
Starting HRT made a significant difference. So did getting out of the house, even on days when I really didn’t feel like it, and learning to take things one day at a time. It may sound cliché, but it truly helped.
Menopause also taught me an important lesson: I couldn’t keep putting everyone else first and leaving myself behind. I had convinced myself that doing more ‘being more’ would make me feel fulfilled. In reality, I was exhausting myself and neglecting my own needs. As a working stepmother, I prioritized my partner and stepson above everything, believing that if the house was harmonious and everyone else was content, I would feel better too. But it didn’t work that way.
When I finally allowed myself to be a little “selfish” joining the gym, going for walks, crying when I needed to, and accepting that this was a new stage of life things began to shift. I realized that my youth wasn’t disappearing; I was simply growing into a more settled version of myself. Each day became an opportunity to support my future self: to strengthen my bones, improve my mood, and listen to what my body truly needs.
My body isn’t broken. It simply has different needs now, and learning to honor them has been empowering.” — Steph B
The freedom on the other side
“It’s been 25 years now. Mostly it was fine. I loved, and love, not having periods. The hot flashes… I could do without. Until I realized that they were great for when I needed to get up and pee on a cold winter night. I do still have the occasional hot flash and remain grateful for the bit of warmth as I roll out of bed.” — Margaret M
“What surprised me is how much I love being Post menopausal! Menopause gave me more gifts than hinderances!” — Hilary
“I was surprised I got as “testy” and emotional as I did. Everyone noticed it but me. My Mom finally told me to go to the doctor and get some medication. That helped.
Learning how to manage hot flashes and night sweats helped. I took Evening Primrose Oil. I also was honest with most people when I was having one. If I was in meeting I’d leave. I can also remember sitting outside at night to cool my body down.
I learned that menopause and perimenopause are weird times for a women’s body. Not many people talked about menopause when I was going through. So glad to see that is changing.
I’m definitely happier now that I’m not having painful periods every month. I don’t have to worry about pregnancy and counting days or buying supplies. If I want to take a vacation or do something special I don’t have to worry about whether I’ll be on my period. Menopause is very freeing. Love it.” — SMA
The cultural shift
“I feel as though we are in a current culture shift with understanding this important phase of life. I feel like I have a community of woman online and friends and family who are together with this.” — Amy P
“I’m learning the hard way that menopause is some dirty secret that no one talks about. When the symptoms started hitting me I went through the gamut of ‘What’s wrong with me? Are my thyroid meds off? I feel miserable, I need to see a doctor.’ It has been so very frustrating. Turns out, menopause is more than the BS hot flashes and mood swings for which it’s been dog-eared. And for some ridiculous reason, the fact that a woman’s body goes through this very natural process of hormonal change makes the world uncomfortable. Tough shit, world. Menopause IS uncomfortable and it’s even worse when you have to dig for answers and search for people who feel comfortable talking about it. We need to normalize this topic and open the conversation!!” — MaryAnn Crawley
Ashley D’Arcy is the Senior Editor at The Good Trade. She holds an MA in Philosophy from The New School for Social Research and has contributed to esteemed outlets such as The Nation, 032c, and Yale School of Management’s Insights where she’s leveraged her expertise in making complex ideas accessible to a broad audience. In addition to her editorial work, she is training as a psychoanalytic mental health professional and provides care to patients in New York City. Ashley also explores sustainable fashion, clean beauty, and wellness trends, combining thoughtful cultural critiques with a commitment to mindful living.
