For years, Kristen Santos-Griswold couldn’t even bring herself to watch the video of what happened.

Heading into the 2022 Beijing Winter Olympics, Santos-Griswold was the second-ranked short track speedskater in the world. And heading into the final lap of the women’s 1,000-meter final, Santos-Griswold was in position to win her first Olympic medal, skating in third place and fighting for second, until she was bumped by Italy’s Arianna Fontana.

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The collision sent the two skaters crashing into a wall. Instead of a finish on the podium, Santos-Griswold fell to fourth place. Fontana’s bump was later ruled a penalty, but the result was still set in stone.

The loss took an emotional toll. Santos-Griswold, 31, even considered retiring so she could focus on school. But she decided not to step away, and now she’s competing in the 2026 Milan Cortina Olympics to win the medal that eluded her four years earlier.

“I’ve been an emotional wreck up and down,” Santos-Griswold admitted to NBC News in the lead-up to the Olympics. “That’s something that I’m working on the most, it’s my mental game. In this sport, it can be so unforgiving.”

Part of Santos-Griswold’s mental process heading into Milan was finally watching her fateful race from 2022, something she couldn’t bring herself to do until last year. Santos-Griswold said she was scared to face what had happened because it felt like a failure. Instead, watching the crash proved cathartic.

“It was definitely therapeutic and helped me move on from it,” Santos-Griswold said. “Watching it now, it just makes me that much more proud that I’m here competing today and I’m going for it again. I’m hoping that I can learn from that experience, not make any of the same mistakes, have a better result this next time, but also more importantly, enjoy it more this next time.”

Following the race, Santos-Griswold wasn’t sure if she wanted to come back for another Olympics. She contemplated focusing on graduate school entirely, where she’s studying for a doctorate in physical therapy. Stephen Gough, the head coach for U.S. short track speedskating, wanted to give Santos-Griswold the space to make her own decision, but he did have a message for her when they chatted after Beijing.

“When we spoke, I was like, ‘It’s about to start being really fun,’” Gough recalled. “It’s not going to be easy, but you’re in a place where you can win medals. And why wouldn’t you ride this wave? Because when you stop skating, it’s all over.”

Santos-Griswold chose to stay on the ice, and true to Gough’s words, she got better.

At the Four Continents Short Track Speed Skating Championships in November 2023, she won gold in the 500, 1,000 and 1,500 meters. Then, during the 2024-25 ISU Short Track World Tour, Santos-Griswold won four more individual golds. She was the tour’s overall champion and won the Crystal Globe as tour’s best overall skater.

Though a broken collarbone and other injuries slowed Santos-Griswold down during the latest world tour season, Gough is pleased with where she is headed into Milan.

“[The injuries] allowed her an opportunity to refocus her training, and everything snapped into place really fast. So she’s in a good place,” Gough said. “I don’t know that she’s thinking too much about four years ago. Given what she’s been through in the last eight, nine months, it’s helped her focus on the right stuff, which is her preparation, her tactics, the things that are within her control.”

When Santos-Griswold takes her starting position in Italy, it will be the continuation — and perhaps the culmination — of a journey that began when she was only 3 years old. That was when Santos-Griswold began figure skating, making being on the ice second nature. (“I don’t even remember learning how to skate,” Santos-Griswold admitted.)

When she was 8, Santos-Griswold learned about speedskating because of a commercial she saw while watching the Disney Channel. She begged her mom to sign her up and eventually wore her down. She began speedskating at an ice rink close to Yale University’s campus, often competing against men several times her age.

“I was a very competitive kid. Where figure skating is more of a judged sport, I liked this concept of beating someone to a finish line,” Santos-Griswold said. “And I just fell in love. I think I loved the concept of beating these old guys and being faster than them.”

In Milan, Santos-Griswold is eager to have her family in the stands, a support system she didn’t have during the Beijing Games. (Her classmates and two dogs, Bear and Koda, will be watching from back in the States.)

She also plans to employ a different mindset — specifically, worrying less about the things she can’t control, like the bump that robbed her of a medal four years ago, and instead making sure she appreciates her Olympic experience.

“The last Olympics, I was so hyperfocused on each event, being nervous, sitting in my room, basically shaking waiting for a race to come up, even though I felt physically ready,” Santos-Griswold said at a pre-race news conference. “It didn’t go my way and it was so much wasted energy thinking about races and what to do that I missed the experience and let it really pass by. So I’m trying to switch that a lot and enjoy every day, not really think about the racing until it’s time to race. Just do my best.”