Get in the videogame, loser, it’s time to break into an “impossible palace”, stab insect gardeners with your saber, and rescue your mother from some bastard prince. Out today, Journey Of The Garden Rose is the latest “old school 3D action-adventure” from Renegade Sector, a developer whose affection for pulp beams forth from every pixel.

Look at the blue tiles, pink pillars and sockety murals of that courtyard. Look at that grass – more like verdigris than vegetation. Look at the delightful tarantulas loitering in the low-poly orchards. Ugh, why don’t I have a palace that looks a bit like a vintage four-colour horror comic. Why am I cursed to live in this world, with its vast plenitude of colours that all muddle together without contrast. Please, watch the trailer while I grieve.

The Journey of the Garden Rose is the final act of a fairytale about a cruel Prince, and the Rose who grew legs in order to run away from him. You appear to be the Rose’s daughter, Lily, who has returned to the Prince’s palace to rescue her missing mother, armed with your father’s sword. It’s a third-person experience with lock-on real-time combat, some archery, and a wand you can use to shove things around.

As is often the case with fairytales, it also appears to be a bundle of unpleasant metaphors. The Steam page warns that the game “contains sexually suggestive text and references themes of self-harm and suicide.” The trailer image of what I assume is the Prince licking a flower doesn’t leave much to the imagination.

The game doesn’t appear to be huge, but it does seem intricate. You’ll need certain items to reach new areas, and there are secrets that might involve shooting switches with your bow. There’s a touch of Soulslike to the fencing, which makes me think of poking knights with a spear on the battlements of Anor Londo. If you love the artstyle, Renegade Sector founder Alec Stamos has made a fair few games in this vein – find them all on Itch.