I was born in the month of St Patrick’s Day with an Irish family name, but I’ve never considered myself to be lucky. I don’t win fundraiser raffles or get free appetizers in restaurants. I don’t get good deals on used cars or have friends with available vacation homes. I don’t ever hear about my dream job opening, and I never find a lucky penny in a parking lot.

“I was born in the month of St Patrick’s Day with an Irish family name, but I’ve never considered myself to be lucky.”

In a six-month period last year, I fell on (or off) my porch three times…THREE TIMES! I tripped over a step, then over a cat, then over some invisible air. A friend I shared all of my accidents and bumbles with said, “Wow, you really aren’t very lucky!”

A few weeks later, a woman I know drove by in a brand-new luxury SUV. The person I was talking to said, “That must be nice. She’s so lucky.” I was puzzled. I assumed the woman, who has a successful career, bought the new car for herself. I attributed her good fortune to hard work, not luck.

My string of bad luck, along with the new car being attributed to good luck, made me wonder. Are some of us predestined to have better circumstances than others, as if we’re touched by a spirit at birth that allows good things to happen to us while preventing the bad? If that’s the case and we’re not the “lucky ones”, then why would we even bother to try for good outcomes?

I wondered if I could change my own luck and looked at the areas of my life I’d considered unlucky.

Refusing to be frantic

Constantly bumping into things, dropping stuff, and feeling like I was hyped up were all signs that my nervous system was burned out. I knew it, but had trouble forcing myself to slow down … until I heard the phrase “refuse to be frantic.” I printed it out and taped it to my desk as a constant reminder that slowing down is a choice. Taking the time to do things right the first time saves energy, time, and frustration later on. It wasn’t easy to let go of my being-frantic habit, but having the reminder right in front of my face helped.

“Slowing down is a choice.”

Now, when I feel myself on the brink of panic, I take a deep breath, refuse to give in to the hustle, and do one thing at a time. If something pops in my head that needs to be done while I’m doing something else, I just add it to the list on my desk or the list app on my phone. 

Slowing down has also made me realize that there are often instructions out there — in fact, I’ve discovered there are instructions for everything. Now I actually read (and follow) them.

Frantic is a choice that affects my luck. I refuse to let it cause the bad kind.

The skin I’m in

My mother told me when I was a teenager that I was unlucky because I got the “bad skin gene” from my dad’s side of the family, while her side had beautiful, clear, porcelain skin. I took that to heart, believing there was nothing I could do about it, while also trying every kind of new lotion and potion out there.

“I took that to heart, believing there was nothing I could do about it.”

Years later, after my hysterectomy, I discovered that my blemishes must have come from my hormones, but my skin changed in other ways. This time, I refused to believe it was just something that happened in menopause (especially instant menopause) or just bad luck that I couldn’t change. It’s taken some time, research, and trial and error to find the things that work, but my skin is slowly improving.

Unlucky skin wasn’t my destiny after all.

Not my problem

I heard a preacher years ago say, “If you aren’t part of the problem or part of the solution, then it’s none of your business.” Wow! It was a sermon on gossip, but I took it a different way, and he was totally right. For years, I’ve inserted myself into other people’s problems, trying to come up with the best solution for them, thinking I had to be their savior with all the answers.

“If you aren’t part of the problem or part of the solution, then it’s none of your business.”

It was a very difficult habit to break, but once I did, I had time to work on my own goals and problems. Plus, when I wasn’t bogged down with trying to fix everyone else’s life, I had the time to notice when things went right in mine.

Numbing myself

For a long time, I believed that relaxing after a stressful day at work meant having a glass of wine while watching TV, while also eating carbs. It might have worked as self-soothing, but it was not self-care. As I aged, the way I metabolized alcohol changed, so the next morning was always a bad mood, feeling achy, and regretting that I spent the previous evening getting nothing productive done.

“Always feeling behind wasn’t unlucky; it was a choice I was making.”

Always feeling behind wasn’t unlucky; it was a choice I was making.

Recognizing what I was doing and how it was becoming a huge cycle of regret made me realize that I can’t keep doing the same thing expecting a different result. Now I set aside some time each evening (15–30 minutes) to get something done.

Becoming more balanced

The falls and my reduced coordination had nothing to do with bad luck and everything to do with my not taking care of my body. I tried to ignore the changes in my shape and physical abilities … until I started falling. The bruises and aches couldn’t be ignored.

“The falls and my reduced coordination had nothing to do with bad luck and everything to do with my not taking care of my body.”

I’ve started moving my body even when it aches because moving it more helps it ache less. Either twenty minutes on the bike, I ride while watching a sitcom, or doing yoga and stretches in my living room while watching nature scenes with classical music, is all I need to feel better the next day. Plus, it helps my mental health. I call it “pushing out the pain”…physically and mentally.

Listening to myself

We all have that inner warning system that tries to tell us when something isn’t a good idea. I ignored mine for way too long. I recognized the pattern when I started feeling sorry for myself after several “bad luck” incidents. My soul reminded me that it had tried to warn me all along. It gave me the feeling deep in my heart and stomach that I shouldn’t go to the places that weren’t actually much fun, spend the money on things I didn’t need, and spend time with people who drain me and only want me around for their benefit.

Trusting myself has changed my luck. I know the right answers, I just have to believe that I do.

“I know the right answers, I just have to believe that I do.”

Sitting around waiting for something magical to happen just made me frustrated. Nobody is coming to change my life for me. I have to do it myself, and sometimes those small changes can make a huge difference.

I haven’t won the lottery or inherited a chalet in Switzerland, but I have fallen down less (physically and mentally), and I’m recognizing my good fortune when it happens.

My luck was under my control all along.

Regina McKay is the wife of a firefighter, mother of five adult children, and passionate advocate of all things vintage, especially her pink bathtub. She works as an accountant but plans on using her experiences with mental health treatment to transition into a career in Criminal Justice/Mental Health reform. After hitting her rock bottom, she learned for her happiness didn’t come in a pill bottle. She now strives for contentment and appreciates moments of joy when they come.