Sorry I’m late, I’ve got to drop off my non-existent offspring at the place where they learn their times tables soon. Before that, which of you wants to be dunched and bumped into a spin, as mud and discarded metal are flung about like a tornado’s hit a scrapyard? This is the question asked by Wreckfest 2’s latest update, which finally gives middle-aged mums and dads a suitable ride in which to wreak havoc.

Early access update five rings in an early Christmas by initiating the minivan era of BugBear’s banger basher – that’s an MPV if you want to be boring or a people carrier if you’re from the good old U of K. The Wreckfest family bus is dubbed the Grandstar, and it’s glorious. Room for seven seats amongst the roll-cage, ample crumple zones between you and the thing you’re hitting, and probably a baby seat you want to bring your toddler along.

Aside from the motorhome, which isn’t really a daily driver, Wreckfest 2’s car list so far has lacked a beefy family wagon to battle the array of muscle cars, saloons, and hatchbacks. As someone who loved the original’s Warwagon, Hammerhead, and Hearse, I can assure you that’s a good thing. If you’re into racing cars that don’t resemble bricks, first of all boooooooooooooooo. Second of all, this update’s also added in a zippy couple called the Phaser.

There’s a new track dubbed Moorfield, which boasts two muddy race and crash-oriented routes through a farm field that’s been pre-ground into a wet and muddy pulp to show off the muddying and tyre sinkage mechanics BugBear have added to every ride. Crashing itself’s had a major revamp with this update, with the devs explaining:

In a game like ours, crashing into others should be rewarded. Yet, previously the outcome could feel a bit arbitrary as there were situations in which you were confident you were going to score a good hit on your opponent, only to receive more damage yourself. In this update, we’ve refactored the attacker/defender detection to make sure we correctly interpret who is the attacker and who is the defender. We’ve also improved the gameplay logic that determines the outcome of the crash to reward aggressive playing. The gist of the changes is that, like previously, the damage calculations now favour the car with more mass and speed (just more reliably), but when using the normal damage mode the condition of the car is also taken into account.

Rounding things out are the likes of handy tweaks that’ll make the livery editor added in last month’s update easier to use. There are new decals, and you can mirror on different sides of your car or edit them as a group with the push of a button.

Now, I’d better wrap this up and get to wrecking so I can deposit the youngins in good time.