Over the course of my illustrious tenure as RPS news mangler, I have seen many Simslikes. Tragically cancelled Simslikes from publishers better known for feats of tactical incest! Corrosively telegenic Simslikes suggestive of a paved-over burial ground! Cottagecore “don’t call me a Simslike” Simslikes! And now, finally, Simslikes that appear to have been conceived in the Red Room from Twin Peaks.

The game I’m referring to is Noematica: Digital Dollhouse from Asphodel Cybernetics, which exhorts you to “behold the humble Noem! Beguiling and silly-pilled, fully customizable, monstrous or adorable: with an n-dimensional vector space of fantasies and memories.” Here’s a trailer – get beholding.

This is… different to what EA are flogging with Project Rene, which the pitiful dopes amongst you are still referring to as The Sims 5. And yet, we appear to still be talking about a neighbourhood life sim, in which NPCs trundle about doing things like painting or making friends and feeling hungry, and you can get really obsessive about reupholstering your sitting room. I imagine the Noems need to pee, and I can’t see why you wouldn’t be able to seal them inside a burning room.

There’s also what could be called a town management element in the opportunity to “use your accrued social and political capital (and energy, and funds in the public treasury) to rezone, redistrict, redevelop, and otherwise mutilate the neighbourhood.” But is this a town, or another one of those n-dimensional vector spaces?

The Steam page whispers of “great towers all reeling in twilight without limit, and sleepless nights that never seem to end”. This is “a phantasmagoric impression of contemporary life” that “centres the organic interplay of matter and memory”. As for your individual Noems: “When they run into a problem, their competence is determined by their established memories: not just a ‘painting skill’, but a memory of painting under such-and-such conditions, combined with some traumatic recollection, a complex of related occurrences all more or less vaguely recalled.”

Do you know, I suspect Asphodel might be taking the piss out of us slightly. I’m absolutely here for it. The game looks pretty cool. It frets at my soul in a more compelling way than InZoi did. I think I’m losing vitamin D at an unsustainable rate, just clicking through the screens. There are a few street-level scenes that make me think of Urban Chaos. There is also some commendably bottomless wall art, and a white doll canted over in a bathtub, glimpsed through a door. Certainly, we’re a long way from the realm of H&M bundles.

Speaking of which: possibly the least “silly-pilled” part of the Steam description is the bit about how “Noematica will NEVER charge you for DLC”, which is definitely not how EA Maxis do it. “We intend to release a single complete game at full price, a single distinct project with its own voice, easily customized with in-game tools and community-made modifications,” the devs insist. “In the long run, we intend to make other Noematica games: more digital worlds with their own unique qualities. Any core engine change will be backported to previous Noeamatica efforts (insofar as this is technically possible) to help modders with their work. Assets will be made interoperable, for custom games with mixed themes.

“A game with ten expansions is invariably very muddled,” they go on. “It is better to have ten games, each speaking in their own voice, in an open, cross-compatible mod ecosystem. Noematica is not (will never be) a platform. We want to be equal partners with a community of DIY content creators, hackers and modders and so on.”

It’s out in 2027. We’ll keep an eye on things.