WARNING: This story references intimate partner abuse.

Hamilton Mayor Andrea Horwath says in an open letter that she was in an abusive relationship, and notes the scrutiny she has faced as a long battle between her, her former partner and the city has publicly unfolded.

“I am sharing this because I am tired of being silent,” she wrote in the letter shared Wednesday. “I want every survivor in Hamilton to know there should be no shame in choosing safety, in setting boundaries, or in telling the truth when you are ready.”

She also said that, “after criminal harassment charges and a no-contact order, I did what many survivors do: I kept my distance.”

“This has not been easy to speak about. It is painful, and it is frightening, and I know many people will understand what it means to carry something like this quietly for a long time,” she wrote.

CBC Hamilton reached out to Horwath’s ex-partner through his lawyer but did not hear back before publication.

Letter comes after city committee decision

On Friday, Horwath announced she would be running for re-election in October.

Horwath’s letter came out after the property standards committee made a decision related to a property that Horwarth owns and where her ex-partner lives in Hamilton.

The city previously ordered extensive repairs at the property on West Street North, including on the roof, basement flooring, foundation walls, etc. It required Horwath to complete the work by May 1 this year.

This week, the committee said it didn’t have jurisdiction to hear a late appeal from Horwath regarding the order, which was issued to her on Jan. 9, according to the city.

The appeal asked for a November 2028 extension on the deadline to do the work, according to the city.

In her open letter, Horwath said she was disappointed in the decision, but will “continue working toward resolving the outstanding issues with this property and closing this painful chapter of my life.”

She also said she understands her responsibilities as the legal owner of the property and is “committed to seeing them through.” 

The issue of the property has put some aspects of Horwath’s life under public scrutiny over the months that it has come up at committee.

Coming forward takes bravery, expert says

Horwath’s letter didn’t give specifics about the abuse she mentions or details about the relationship. She declined an interview and to comment further to CBC Hamilton.

In an interview, a McMaster University expert in intimate-partner violence (IPV) said it takes bravery to share a personal experience like Horwath’s.

“I would say directly to the mayor that she was incredibly courageous and generous in sharing her experiences … and I would want her to know that I believe her,” said Melissa Kimber, a social worker and associate professor at McMaster University.

Kimber, who has worked directly with people experiencing IPV and has researched the topic, said it’s hard for survivors to come forward with their stories in fear of people doubting their experiences or being blamed for them. Victims can often also fear the stigma around the topic of IVP, or how coming forward with their stories can affect people around them, especially for public figures.

“There’s a documented pattern of backlash against women in public life who actually have disclosed abuse, violence, or harassment,” Kimber said.

She also noted that IPV includes many kinds of abuse, including emotional and physical violence, financial control and more.

Kimber recalled Horwath’s campaign in 2022, when a sign of hers was vandalized with misogynistic slurs and violent imagery, prompting a police investigation. Speaking generally, she said this shows a “concrete, public instance of gender-based backlash directed at her specifically.”

Kimber also pointed to research from the Center for Strategic and International Studies in Washington and the Center for Economic Policy Research that shows female politicians are “judged far more harshly online than their male peers.” This happens “regardless of a female politician’s specific policy initiatives or their choices while they’re in office,” she said.

“No wonder it took a while for her to share her experiences.”

Mayor’s story tells others they’re ‘not alone’

In a statement online, YWCA Hamilton CEO Medora Uppal said it takes courage for any woman, “particularly an elected mayor,” to come forward and tell her story.

Uppal also said it can be dangerous for women to share their experiences as backlash to movements like #MeToo have seen backlash in recent years.

“I have known thousands of women who have lived through abuse. I wish I was exaggerating, but after 29 years of working in gender-based violence the numbers are staggering and true,” she said in a LinkedIn post this week.

Kimber said the public might assume that when a victim leaves an abusive relationship, the abuse ends, but actually, the behaviour and fear can continue for a long time after the relationship is over.

High-profile figures speaking about abuse opens them up for more scrutiny, said Kimber, but it can also help other victims understand “they’re not alone.”

“Even folks in really significant positions of power can have these awful experiences,” she said. “Talking about it and increasing awareness will hopefully shift the system to pay attention to it, how prevalent it is, and that we need to do something.”

Kimber also said there’s never a “right time” to speak out.

“Disclosures often don’t happen [strictly] on the survivor’s own terms, which can be really frustrating.”

Horwath’s letter said one of the reasons for speaking out was that she didn’t want to “ask others experiencing intimate partner violence to reject shame and stigma while allowing that same shame to keep me silent.”

In 2023, Hamilton joined other Ontario municipalities in declaring an IPV epidemic after a growing number have made headlines since the COVID-19 pandemic.

“I believe that means we all have a responsibility — not only to say the right words, but to respond to survivors with compassion, care, and understanding,” said the mayor.

If you’re in immediate danger or fear for your safety or that of others around you, please call 911. If you’re affected by family or intimate partner violence, you can look for help through crisis lines and local support services. ​​