dailynewsnblog
View all responsesUgh, when I as younger I had very little emotional discipline and regulation. This made me basically say “yes” to so many things I should have said “no” to. I was so consumed with wanting to fit in or be included, it completely warped my sense of “yes” or “no.”
Everyone has different experiences, but wow, did my 20’s suck. I chased quick fixes of happiness, whether it was jobs, media, materials, food, sex, or people. I was constantly trying to fill a void of not being enough, or at least feeling that way. I think the independence I received in my 20’s allowed my body to feel the trauma of what a relatively emotionally rough childhood had been for me, and instead of feeling that pain I distracted myself by saying yes to way too many things.
I wasn’t prepared for that awakening, so I drowned myself. I eventually got help via DBT skills class and therapy in my 30’s. It is a battle each day.
Now, older, the hallowed word “no” has become far more popular in my identity vernacular. I don’t cage and prevent myself from trying new things, I just know and enjoy my limits as a person a little bit more.
Having boundaries, protecting my physical and mental health, and keeping toxic people in a specific territory, has made my life infinitely more bearable. When the “yes” comes naturally it feels good, but it is the “no” where you actually accept your identity.
Again, I don’t say it to everything. I have a bit of an internal rubric, three strikes policy with stuff. There is complexity to every situation. New points-of-view, diversity, and learning has a different interaction with me. Again, every person and situation is different.
I just feel a bit better saying “no” and I wish I could send that ability back to my younger self. That confidence is a product of experience sadly. I was afraid to say it, but I wish I had. It hurt me. It hurt people. I’m certainly not perfect at it, and I continue to make mistakes and try to learn from them.
I guess I’m just not as afraid to say it anymore. I don’t love the word “no” but I love that I’m understanding what it means when I use it, or even when others use it. It is a very enlightening word.
