Before all the voices grab hold! – holly troy ~ sacred folly

Building New Being

Over the last few years, things had slowed down for me (to a painful degree). Due to circumstances, I haven’t been able to make art on a regular basis. It has felt like my creative work has been not necessarily on hold (though some projects are), but that I have had to tend to other things in my life first. I’ve had to rebuild my foundation, take care of things that were skipped over in my childhood. I’ve had to secure a home (which ironically has led me to being temporarily homeless). And I’m in the midst of healing injuries from caregiving for my mom.

With what felt like a broken/crumbling bedrock, I had to stop, assess, and decide how to move forward.

Part of the deciding is resisting the urge to listen to the (familiar/familial) voices that say – time is running out.

Not giving into the usual stream is a huge pivot in being – my whole life has been hurry! hurry! hurry! Hurry up and skip grades in school! You should know how to take care of your little sister – after all you are 14 and have straight-A’s! Grow up! Grow up! Grow up! Write that book! Record that album! Have that show! You’re too fat! You’re too skinny! How dare you be a kid? How dare you take a walk in the woods? How dare you ride your bike? How dare you sleep? How dare you make money? How dare you not make money? How dare you not take care of me? You’re going out like that? How dare you have friends? How dare you feel? How dare you relax? How dare you be alive? Who do you think you are? Hurry up and _______!

I’ve been facing kicked up kid stuff (that translates to serious adult stuff). This is hard to write about, to talk about. I know those voices are what I grew up with, they are inherited. Sometimes the stuff is a bundle of knotted nerves being poked at with a stick. There has been so much cutting and sorting and unraveling and boundary building.

Part of the deciding is approaching the cacophony – each voice – with curiosity, love, playfulness, and creativity. The way is conscious, and it’s a process. Sometimes I want to rage, sometimes I get overwhelmed and cry. Sometimes I have to reset and take a nap.

Sometimes I feel like everything is falling apart, and then I find myself asking these questions:

What does falling apart mean?
What if I feel the feeling rather than try and control it?
What if I am not an artist?
What if I really don’t want to be an artist?
What if I do nothing?
What if I disappear into the forest?
What if this is all there is?
What if this is what I want?
What is living?
What if I let it be easy?

The truth is, I am always creating something. It’s not always outward.

Right now, I’m on the road. I’ve been out since April, 2026. My little home is gutted. I made this video right before emptying the place out:

The video began as a post about selling my art. I never spoke my doubt about being an artist out loud. When I made this video – I surprised myself when I admitted I was having doubts.

Most of all – I was excited to say my lifelong commitment to — “exploring my sovereignty through creative action — and helping others do the same.”

That hasn’t changed. When I was six years old, I declared, “I want to be an artist, an author, and a teacher.” That kid was curious and full of wonder. She knew exactly what she wanted – before all the other voices crowded in and made it hard to hear.

I’m paying attention.

The studio renovation sale is going on until June 21st. Click on the images to learn more.

June 12th, 2026
Flagstaff, Arizona

image – Wild West City hay ride. That’s me front and center, my aunt and little sissy to the left – circa mid-1970s