Do you use Duolingo? Or should I say, Tu fais du Duolingo? Or should that be Faites-vous du Duolingo? or Est-ce que vous faites du Duolingo? One of those will be correct, just don’t ask me which one. 

For those of you unfamiliar with it, Duolingo is a language-learning app, and it is enorme. It claims to have 133 million active users, 50 million of whom use it daily. And I am slightly proud that I am one of those 50 million.

I have completed a streak of more than 1,500 unbroken days of French lessons. That’s more than four years without missing a day! And I can report that after 1,500+ days of lessons, I still can’t speak French. Not even close. 

My heritage says that I should speak French. The Tougas name is French. Our family tree traces back to 1704 in Quebec, and my family is littered with names like Jean-Marie and Gabriel. My great-great-grandfather was Antoine, my great-grandfather was Pierre, and my grandfather was Alfred. There’s an entire book written about my great-uncle Stanislas’ WWI exploits – but it’s in French. 

I’d love to be bilingual, whether in French or Spanish or even Australian. So, I’ve been working on my French via Duolingo. 

Duolingo is, if nothing else, fun. It’s populated by animated characters, like Duo the mascot of the operation who is, for no particular reason, an owl. The other characters have their own personalities, like Lily, the deadpan goth character who speaks like a bored teenager. Oscar is a snobbish art teacher who is, to my surprise, gay. One character, Lucy, is described on the Duolingo website as “not as much of a mystery as Falstaff,” which is a mystery in itself if you have no idea who Falstaff is.

Users are awarded by moving up on various leagues. I am, as I write this, just outside the Amethyst league, whatever that is. 

The longer you do on Duolingo, the more complex the lessons become. And not just because of the new words. If you remember your high school French, the language has a thing about masculine and feminine words. After 1,500+ lessons, I still have no idea what makes one word a girl, and another word a boy. 

Duolingo French is very, very French, and sometimes very, very weird. One exercise requires the user to translate French sentences. Among the more unusual sentences are: “This bald man’s head looks like a watermelon”, “Grandma used to make the worst crepes in the world”, “Don’t touch anything, children, otherwise it is going to explode”, “After talking to them, he felt hopeless”, and “As a starter, there are hard-boiled eggs with mayonnaise”.   

I’m not going to become fluent in French via daily Duolingo lessons. And realistically, why does a 70-year-old man need to learn French? Other than keeping my deteriorating brain slightly sharper, there is one overriding reason why I continue to do my daily Duolingo lessons, and it is this: I’ve got a 1,500+ day streak going, and I’m not going to stop.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some hard-boiled eggs and mayonnaise waiting for me.