Twenty years ago, Shelley Atkinson says she experienced “the worst day of [her] life” after her husband Const. John Atkinson was shot and killed while working as a police officer in Windsor.

Anytime Shelley struggles with grief, she turns to a unique support group of widows who share the same bond.

The Survivors Of Law Enforcement (SOLE) group is something Shelley says is her “lifeline.”

It started in 2011 after the death of an officer in Peel, and became a non-profit in 2024. It currently has 25 members across Ontario – all widows or widowers who lost a loved one in the line of duty.

“It’s a group that you never want to be part of, but when you’re in that situation, we are a group that you can’t live without,” said Shelley.

John Atkinson killed blocks away from home

The morning of May 5, 2006, started out like any other Friday for Shelley. 

Her kids, seven and nine at the time, went off to school and John, 37, left for work. 

“He pulled out of the driveway and did his popular kiss and a little [peace sign] and he went on his way up the street. That was the last I seen him,” said Shelley.

What she didn’t know at the time was that John was filling up a police vehicle just blocks away from home, at a gas station at Pillette Road and Seminole Street.

That’s when he saw an apparent drug deal happening in the parking lot.

At the time, he was working in plain clothes and seconded to the OPP. John approached two young men and he was quickly shot.

While out shopping for her daughter Nicole’s birthday party later that day, she couldn’t get a hold of John and left a voicemail.

“I basically said I love you, call me back,” said Shelley.

After getting the sense that “something just didn’t feel right to me,” she called Windsor police headquarters. That’s when she learned John had been involved in an incident and she should head home.

Later that day, a police officer and good friend of John’s stoped by the family home.

‘I had to break the most tragic news to my children’

She remembers the officer on the phone, continuously walking in and out trying to get information about what happened with John.

“I knew something was wrong,” said Shelley. “I basically just looked at him and said ‘say it.’ And he couldn’t say it at first, and I said ‘say it.’ And he said ‘he’s gone.’”

“And I remember falling to the ground. It was a day I’ll never forget. It was the worst day of my life.”

By the time her kids got home from school, many police officers were at the house, which was four blocks from where John was shot and killed.

Unsure how to tell her children, she remembers victims services suggesting that she “tell them the truth.”

“I brought them upstairs and I had to break the most tragic news to my children that there was an accident and I had to let them know he was shot,” said Shelley.

She remembers her nine-year-old son Mitchell asking where his dad was shot.

“And I said in the face and I remember him just covering his face and saying not the face,” said Shelley.

Even at such a young age, Shelley said she has no regrets about telling them the truth.

Extensive media coverage of John’s death followed. To this day, John remains the only Windsor police officer murdered in the line of duty.

“As time went on, stories came out. If I would have lied to them, I just think that would have been something that never would have been the same with me and my kids,” Shelley said.

Following John’s death, and even now, Shelley said the Windsor Police Service and the Windsor Police Association “took such good care of me.”

SOLE brings together women with ‘common bond’

Shelley met another widow who also lost her spouse in the line of duty, but knew a broader support group was missing.

SOLE filled that gap for her and other widows in Ontario. Shelley was one of the group’s original members.

“We heal together. We are there for each other,” said Shelley. “We were well taken care of always, always. It’s just with SOLE, we have each other now and we have a common bond.”

The group stays in regular contact, supports each other through funerals, memorials, trials and parole hearings.

OPP officer killed in line of duty last week

Last week, OPP Sgt. Brandon Malcolm was killed in the line of duty during a crash on Highway 401 in Cobourg, Ont.

“We have a family there that is now suffering the same loss that we have all been through as survivors and it’s sad,” said SOLE president Nancy MacDonald.

“Our mission statement is rebuilding the shattered lives of survivors of line of duty deaths.”

Support, advocacy, education and resources are the group’s four pillars, said MacDonald.

No formal supports in 1993

Back in October 1993 when Nancy’s husband Const. Joe MacDonald was killed during a traffic stop in Sudbury, she didn’t receive formal support.

Within hours of his death, Nancy said she went to the hospital to identify her husband.

“I was in terrible terrible shock and almost in physical pain right away,” she said.

At the time, the couple had two young girls – a two-year-old and three-month-old.

Victims services didn’t exist back then and there wasn’t a group such as SOLE, which Nancy said would have made such a positive impact during her grieving process.

“A group like SOLE would have been so helpful for me,” said MacDonald. “We are very, very lucky to have one another.”

In addition to supporting widows and widowers, Nancy said they also advocate to improve the safety for police officers and keep the memories alive of those who have been killed.

“We want to be able to help,” said Nancy. “We never want them to be forgotten because then they die twice.”

Parole eligibility coming up in two years

For Shelley, she will soon have to prepare herself for the possibility of parole hearings starting in just a few years.

Nikkolas Brennan will be eligible for an unescorted temporary absence and day parole in May 2028 and full parole in 2031.

Those dates do not guarantee parole will be granted — the Parole Board of Canada will make that decision.

It’s not something she wants to think about right now, but when she does Shelley said she knows she’ll be supported by SOLE.

“They are like sisters and I cannot imagine my life without them,” said Shelley.

‘I still miss him. I still love him’

The two were high school sweethearts, spending 20 years together before John was killed

After May 5, 2026, Shelley now realizes that more time will have passed without him than the couple spent together.

“I never really thought of it like that,” Shelley said. “In a way, it kinds of bring peace that he died doing what he loved.”

Shelley said John loved being a dad, cherished his family and was a well respected police officer. She remembers him being a “jokester” with a great sense of humour.

“I still miss him. I still love him,” Shelley said.