I have avoided the issue of Alberta separatism so as not to inflame the delicate sensibilities of the Alberta independence crowd. But I feel the time has come to make a calm, reasoned, irrefutable statement about the idea of Alberta independence. And here it is.

It’s stupid. 

There. I think that pretty well sums it up.

Perhaps that’s a little too short. I guess I need to expand on that statement. So here goes.

It’s really, really stupid.

It’s Trump-level stupid.

For now, let’s ignore the whys of separation, and concentrate on hows.  

In the separatists’ dream world, all that oil revenue would make us rich (or, richer than we already are, which is the richest in Canada). Without Ottawa’s meddling, we’d just open the taps, right? After all, the world wants what we have. Mind you, the most recent pipeline, the TMX to the west coast, cost $34 billion taxpayer dollars  – federal dollars – but I’m sure Ottawa wouldn’t mind if we just kept using it, right? B.C., however? Not so much. If you thought it was hard to get a pipeline through B.C. when we were on the same team, picture how hard it will be when we’re heated rivals. 

Now, I’m not a business major, or even a minor, but big business likes stability. When Quebec was voting on separation, hundreds of companies left the province, causing massive harm to the economy. There’s no reason to believe the same thing wouldn’t happen here. 

Then there’s the matter of pensions. The UCP government made a frankly ludicrous claim that Alberta is entitled to $334 billion of the Canada Pension Plan. Right. I’m sure the Rest of Canada (ROC) would gladly write a cheque to Alberta for 53% of CPP assets. Realistically, an enraged ROC wouldn’t give Alberta one loonie in return for rupturing the country. 

Then there’s health care, or what’s left of it. While it is 85% paid for by Alberta, the Government of Canada chips in billions. You think health care is in trouble now, just pull billions of dollars out of it. 

Are you familiar with a little organization called the RCMP? You know, Dudley Doright’s gang? No more Mounties means we’d need our own provincial police force. That shouldn’t cost more than a few billion to establish. 

Speaking of security, would we need to establish our own points of entry security? An independent Alberta will have four borders, after all. We can’t just allow Montanans – or Saskatchewanians for that matter – to drive into our independent Alberta with impunity. And would we need an army? Passports? Would we need to establish embassies around the world? And what about Jasper and Banff, which are run by Parks Canada? 

So much to consider. 

And it’s all so … stupid.