All right, my old chuckaboo, it’s time to shake daddles and go mafficking. The toffs want us to pluck a few April showers from the insides of yon Ken Bowman. Cheese and crust! Now that’s a fancy crib. Look at the shine on these hardwood floors. Still, I don’t trust these shadows. Let’s step lively now and draw latches so we can shove off and powder our hair down the Bohemian Bungery.

…Cordura is a one-to-four player horror game in which you play a Dishonored extra stealing magic roses from the bellies of shapeshifting mansions. “Science once dared to blur the boundaries of the Night, and now the darkness has returned to reclaim its own,” explains the Steam page. “Victorian buildings awaken corrupted by a primal influence, twisting their halls into procedural labyrinths and reducing inhabitants to empty shells that now stalk from the shadows.

“Yet, desire proves stronger than fear,” it goes on. “Deep within these walls grows the Rose of the Night, the source of the Ambrosia. A potent neurostimulant coveted by the aristocracy for their decadent gatherings. You will take on the role of the workers who enter to extract this prize before you lose your sanity.”

The occult entity that haunts each procedural labyrinth has been taking notes from Phasmophobia. “The Night hears you and calls you by name,” the devs explain. “Proximity voice chat becomes a double-edged sword: the darkness can mimic the voice and appearance of your allies to lure you into the abyss.” This is particularly problematic because your characters have a sanity gauge, and the only way to restore sanity is to be physically close to a team-mate…

If I may be so bold as to suggestionize, my old earwig, why don’t you go stand with Tommy in that ballroom. Going by his grousing, the old bludger’s clearly got the morbs, but some friendly company ought to set him right as a trevit. Hells bells! That’s not Tommy, it’s some phantom wearing his phizog. Let’s hop the twig before we all go John McCane or end up grinning at daisy roots.

(PSA: Cordura is also a kind of synthetic fabric. I cannot comment on whether the fabric will do creepy impressions of you, but maybe don’t wear it while visiting any Victorian mansions.)