Jurassic Park, parkour and Five Nights At Freddy’s meet in Terrible Lizards, in which you must go faster



“Jurassic parkour!” I bellowed to myself in pure delight, when first I read the trailer blurb for Terrible Lizards, announced yesterday. I can only applaud the immense willpower required to not make that the game’s actual title. In this new first-person horror platformer from WDR Studios LLC, your car has broken down somewhere in the deserts of New Mexico.


It’s 1992, so you can’t just Whatsapp your mate who works at the garage to ask which cacti fluids make good engine oil. Instead, you must venture into a nearby abandoned roadside museum, Dalton’s Dinos, which is full of gorgeous animatronic brontosaurs and suchlike. Oh, yeah – ‘oooh, ahhh’, that’s how it always starts. Then later there’s running and screaming.

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There’s a lot of running in Terrible Lizards. Also clambering and jumping and mantling and in general, making imaginative usage of any geography that lofts you out of biting distance. In short: please do touch the exhibits, save for the ones chasing you.


While the obvious move would be to nope the hell back to reception and take your chances in the desert, where death at least comes quietly, events conspire to lure you deeper. A weird phone call alerts you to a lost child, somewhere in the caves beneath, because of course there are caves. There are also VHS tapes and audio logs full of piecemeal intelligence about What Went Wrong. I can already guess the broad strokes of What Went Wrong. The dinosaurs shuffling after you aren’t as dinosauric as they seem. They have a touch of the Barney to them. Their maws contain screaming, decaying human faces.


We’ve been had! This isn’t an offshoot of Jurassic Park. It’s a hyperactive scion of Five Nights At Freddy’s, the game about trying to keep homicidal Wacky Warehouse mascots out of your security room. I wonder if Dalton’s Dinos has a security room. I wonder if the mysterious caller who tells you about the missing child is the diner’s security guard, monitoring your progress. That would be neat: two games talking to each other through CCTV. Anyway, read more about Terrible Lizards on Steam – it’s out this summer.



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