I grew up in a very spiritual household. Church every Sunday, religious summer camp for 10 summers. And I genuinely appreciated it, which, for a millennial, feels almost countercultural to admit. I liked having a sense that there was a force of good greater than me, watching out for me and guiding me forward. I was raised on the idea that God had a plan for me, and if I listened, I would be pointed in the right direction.

“I liked having a sense that there was a force of good greater than me, watching out for me and guiding me forward.”

My parents were entrepreneurs, active in the community, making things happen. Instead of passively listening to God, I had an example of what you could build with a combination of action and trust. In fact, I was probably more comfortable with the action part than the trust part.

After graduating college, I knew I needed to make my sense of spirituality my own. Decide which parts of my religious upbringing resonated with me, the way I understood them personally, and what I could leave behind. Spirituality had become something I’d intellectually understood and hoped was real, but I wanted to have my own relationship with it. I wanted to feel it. For me, understanding is always a body knowing more than a thought. So I started my own exploration, and my biggest questions were about myself.

I’d always had a sense of the bigger spiritual picture. But what about me? Why was I here? Which parts of me were authentic and which were conditioned? And what was I supposed to do with this precious life?

“I’d always had a sense of the bigger spiritual picture. But what about me? Why was I here?”

What is my purpose? became my biggest question. Now that I was out of school and could pursue whatever career, lifestyle, or creative endeavor I wanted, I needed to make sure they were all moving me toward my bigger purpose. I was afraid that I might squander my time on earth if I didn’t find it.

Around this time, I started working for a company that sold workshops on manifestation. There was a big focus on “making your list” — getting specific about what you wanted so you could unblock what was standing in your way, say no to things that might ask you to settle, and make empowered choices to move you toward your goals.

But I was stuck. I felt like I had all these examples and blueprints of how to “get what I wanted,” but I didn’t know what I wanted. And I didn’t want to arbitrarily decide before I was ready. So I sought out 1:1 support from astrologers, human design readers, and energy workers to see what they could tell me about me. To see if they could tell me what my purpose was. After all, if I just knew what it was, I would gladly do it.

“I felt like I had all these examples and blueprints of how to “get what I wanted,” but I didn’t know what I wanted.”

They were able to tell me some things about my energy and personality — things I mostly already knew. That I was independent, entrepreneurial, here to build something, here to be seen, a leader. All the information I knew intuitively, but that still didn’t tell me what to do with myself.

A freeing reframe

In my mind, “my purpose” would manifest as a singular idea, company, or mission that I could build and work toward. The thing that, if I channeled all my energy into it, would be my big moment. It would glorify all my potential and bless the world.

“In my mind, ‘my purpose’ would manifest as a singular idea, company, or mission that I could build and work toward.”

I thought my purpose was one thing. Until one reading completely shifted my perspective.

It came during a human design session. Human design is a personality system that maps out how you’re wired — similar to astrology, but more specific. I’d had my chart read before, but this time the reader pointed out something I’d never noticed: a number in my chart that supposedly represented my life’s purpose. It’s called the sun gate personality.

But it wasn’t the number itself that mattered to me. It was what the number represented.

She explained that this part of the chart doesn’t point to a specific career, company, or mission. It points to an energy. A quality you’re here to embody and express. Not something you find once and build your entire life around. Something you can show up as every single day, in a thousand different ways.

Purpose wasn’t a destination. It was a frequency.

“Purpose wasn’t a destination. It was a frequency.”

And I could embody it anywhere, whether I was working in marketing, making coffee, or just showing up for a friend. And so could anyone.

A barista, a CEO, a mom, an artist, a waiter. Purpose wasn’t about what you were doing; it was about the energy you brought to whatever you were doing.

And when I started showing up in that energy, everything shifted. I felt aligned. And I started attracting more opportunities that matched it.

Making the concept work for you

Back to Human Design for a second… if you’re curious about your own “sun gate personality,” here’s how to find it:

• Generate your Human Design chart… I love Jenna Zoe’s website and app for this
• Your Sun Gate Personality is the first number in your “incarnation cross” and Jenna’s chart specifically lists it as your most important gift
• Your gift points to your purpose… not a thing to achieve, but an energy you bring to everything that makes it feel full of meaning and magnetizes more of the right stuff to you
• I love Jenna’s app “Align” for a full audio breakdown of your chart, including your most important gift

Mine is gate 21, which she describes as “a natural instinct for how to control resources.” Meaning if there’s a budget, I know how to manage it. If there’s a team or a project, I know how to build it. If there’s time, I know how to use it… all in service of the people around me. And lately I’ve been sitting with the idea that “resources” can also be internal. That sometimes I don’t need to BE the resource… but I can help people find the resourcefulness already inside themselves. That reframe felt huge for me.

“It’s like finally having a sense of the genius you naturally bring to the table, in anything you do.”

That’s the thing about purpose as an energy vs. purpose as a destination. It’s so much more freeing. It’s like finally having a sense of the genius you naturally bring to the table, in anything you do.

Even if Human Design isn’t your thing… take the concept. Purpose isn’t a singular pursuit. It’s a quality to be embodied. And I can’t tell you how big of a relief this was for me.

“Purpose” had felt really heavy. Like an impossible order I might get wrong. Something I was waiting for that I could accidentally miss… and my inner critic was constantly scrutinizing how I spent my time, whether it was “aligned” or moving me forward. Every decision felt loaded. Every pivot felt like a potential detour from my destiny.

“Purpose isn’t a singular pursuit. It’s a quality to be embodied.”

And I don’t think I’m alone in this. So many of us are walking around with this low hum of anxiety that we haven’t found it yet. That we’re running out of time. That everyone else seems to know what they’re here to do and we’re still figuring it out. The pressure to find your purpose has somehow become just another thing to achieve.

But what if it’s not something to find at all… what if it’s something to remember?

Deciding to live your purpose, now

Especially if you feel like you’re not on your path, or like things aren’t working out the way you wanted them to… try to move away from that narrative and into the energy of your purpose right now. Not when everything is figured out. Not when the right opportunity shows up. Now, with whatever is in front of you.

So what does this mean for moving forward? It doesn’t mean we stop being ambitious. It doesn’t mean we stop pursuing the projects that light us up, building the businesses we believe in, or going after the things we want. Please keep doing all of that.

“Stop waiting for the big reveal before we allow ourselves to feel like we’re on the right track.”

But it does mean we can stop holding our breath until we “arrive.” Stop waiting for the big reveal before we allow ourselves to feel like we’re on the right track. Stop treating every detour like evidence that we’ve lost the plot.

Because here’s what I’ve noticed: The people who seem the most purposeful aren’t necessarily the ones who have it all figured out. They’re the ones who show up fully to whatever is in front of them. They bring their whole energy to the small stuff… the conversation, the project, the email, the creative idea at 11pm. And those compounding moments? They’re what lead to the bigger things. They always do.

Purpose isn’t waiting for you at the finish line. It’s in how you show up on the way there.

“Purpose isn’t waiting for you at the finish line. It’s in how you show up on the way there.”

So instead of asking “What is my purpose?” try asking: 

• “How can I bring my best energy to what’s right in front of me today?” 
• “What is the quality I most want to embody this week?” 
• “Where can I show up more fully as myself?”

Start there. And watch how much more aligned everything starts to feel. 

That’s where I’m at with all of this, anyway. Still figuring it out, still evolving… but feeling a lot less pressure about it than I used to. 

I hope this gives you a little relief, too.

Grace Abbott is a LA-based freelance Brand & Marketing Strategist and a Contributing Editor at The Good Trade. She has a degree in Graphic Design from Parsons School of Design and is the founder of How To Go Freelance — a brand dedicated to empowering creatives to monetize their skills and build personal brands. Beyond work, she’s always studying a new spiritual modality, painting her bedroom a new color, practicing Pilates, hosting friends, or going on a nature walk with her chihuahua, Donnie. Find her on Substack or Instagram.