WARNING: This story details allegations of child abuse.

In a note written six months after a child died in her care, Becky Hamber said she was not to blame for his death, a Milton, Ont., court heard Friday.

Instead, she blamed decisions made by the Children’s Aid Society (CAS) and an alleged eating disorder for resulting in the 2022 death of the 12-year-old, who was living with Hamber and her wife Brandy Cooney in Burlington, Ont.

The note was discussed in court Friday, among other communications Hamber and Cooney made before and after the boy’s death, all of which were uncovered during an investigation led by Halton police Sgt. Julie Powers.

Powers’ testimony wrapped up on Friday. She was the Crown’s last witness in the trial of the two women, who are accused of first-degree murder of the boy they were trying to adopt.

The two women are also facing charges of confinement, assault with a weapon — zip ties — and failing to provide the necessaries of life related to his younger brother. They’ve pleaded not guilty to the charges.

The brothers are referred to as L.L. and J.L. in CBC News’ coverage of the trial since their identities are protected under a standard publication ban. L.L. died in Hamber and Cooney’s care on Dec. 21, 2022. His brother, J.L., is now 13.

The women were first arrested on Jan. 17, 2023, on the charges related to J.L., then arrested again on Feb. 29, 2024, for L.L.’s alleged murder.

Their trial in the Ontario Superior Court of Justice began in mid-September.

‘Every day is a battle,’ Hamber said

Court heard from Powers all week. On Thursday, assistant Crown attorney Monica MacKenzie played the court a video of the statement Hamber gave to Halton police following her arrest.

In it, she denied some allegations made against her and her wife and said the detective shouldn’t believe J.L. as she said he was dishonest.

Court heard more from Hamber on Friday through a note and videos found on a computer at the home where she was staying after being arrested and released in 2023 and before being arrested again in 2024.

The June 14, 2023, note was for a group therapy session where she talked about how traumatic L.L.’s death was for her and her wife, how she was struggling and missed L.L. and why she thought he died.

Powers read the note from Hamber in which she said she and her wife were not the reason he died but rather why he survived as long as he did and says if she were to “assign direct blame” it would be to Children’s Aid Society and what she said were their inadequacies — like “ignoring” eating disorders because of a child’s age — and inconsistent decisions made by their Ottawa and Halton offices.

“How do children stay in a foster home that abuses them for almost their entire life without detection?” she said in the note.

Also in the note, Hamber said L.L. never got over the trauma he experienced with his biological family.

She also said L.L.’s alleged eating disorder — which the women and their lawyers described as binge-eating and turned into rumination — was the “physical” reason for his death. She finished the note saying she missed L.L. and “would give anything,” to hug him again.

In the videos, which date back to May, June, September and October 2023, Hamber could be seen talking to the camera. She talked about how she’s struggling, how she wanted to go home, how she thought about L.L. and J.L. every day.

“Every day is a battle,” she said in a May 1, 2023 video.

They were ‘happy family’ despite struggles, Hamber said in video

In a Sept. 26 video, Hamber denied restraining J.L., and said he must have been confusing memories with a previous, “controlling” foster family.

In that video, she talked about how she shut the tent where J.L. slept a couple of times overnight using zip-ties because he got out of his room one night, assaulted their pets and “engorged” an “incredible” amount of food, before being told by CAS it was a fire hazard, after which they stopped.

In an Oct. 5 video, Hamber also said they were a “happy family” despite the kids’ mental health challenges. She said they were “funny,” “smart,” and “obviously shellshocked” kids who she loved and was proud of.

“I don’t have regret, I don’t have guilt, I don’t have blame,” she said, and blamed CAS again for L.L.’s death.

During a short cross-examination, Monte MacGregor, Hamber’s lawyer, questioned Powers about a video shown earlier this week in court. Powers had described it as showing Hamber taking a blueberry from L.L. as he cried and accused her of “withholding breakfast,” repeatedly saying “it’s not fair” and “I’m hungry.”

MacGregor cast doubt on whether it was a blueberry in the video. He showed a zoomed in screenshot of the video where L.L. appears to be holding something pointy.

Powers agreed it could have been a thumbtack or pin instead of a blueberry.

Women mentioned wanting to kill the boys

Earlier in the week, Powers read texts from the two women where they described L.L. as a “loser,” and “such an asshole.” They also mentioned killing both boys at least four times in 2022, such as when Cooney said, “I really just wanna murder.”

In an exchange with her father dated July 26, 2020, Cooney said L.L. had a nightmare about dying alone.

“Loser whiner cry baby poor me owww” she wrote. “I faked my sympathy for the douche.”

Powers also went through the couple’s search history this week, revealing searches for “I hate my child,” days before the boy’s death in 2022 and “crime scene cleanup,” weeks after.

The court completed its questioning of Powers Friday. Defence will start calling witnesses on Monday.

The trial is expected to run until at least mid-January.

If you’re affected by this report, you can look for mental health support through resources in your province or territory.